Sunday, 20 July 2014

Dog Diaries #1

Hell hath frozen over in the form of dog poop.

So it happened. I just had my first day back at the kennels. Pray for me. Like seriously. I just had a shower and scrubbed 5 layer of skin off AND I STILL SMELL OF DOG POOP. To fill those in who weren't with me last year, my summer job is a kennel and cattery assistant. *Slaps yo face* NO do not say 'Awe but you get to cuddle cute puppies and kittens all day', yehuh I know you just thought that. No I don't. I don't call spending the first 5 minutes of my shift removing my left arm from the jaws of a German Shepard 'cuddling'. I spent last summer acting as a human chew toy, cat waitress and walking pile of poop and because there are no jobs for graduates, imma doing it all over again.. ..Hold onto your non poop covered clothes...I'm bringing sexy back.

 *Queue knight in shining armor AKA dream job hiring manager sweeping in on his steed/job offer and save my sorry ass* 

So this year I have decided to share with the internet my experiences. I do not speak dog, I do not understand the philosophy of tail chasing and I most certainly am not qualified in animal behaviour. However do not fear for I am far more realistic. Instead I offer you a lifetime of living in a canine filled family home and a part time career in kennel care. I’ve grown up with Rottweiler’s, crossbreeds, Springer Spaniels and German Shepherds. I’ve worked with every breed under the sun from six foot Great Danes to barely visible Chihuahuas and about a hundred notorious Labradors. As amusing as Canine company is, I find it is the owners behaviour where the real fun begins. And with this experience I have seen and done it all. I have wrestled with a Bullmastfif, dove in wee with a Westie, lost my hand to the long jaw of a Poodle, the list is endless. 
  I don't wanna brag but they call me the dog whisperer.

And I hereby declare the Dog Diaries of summer 2014 open. I leave you with this:

I declared last summer after establishing all Labradors were sent from the devil to mock me, they were the worst dog breed possible. They are naughty, greedy, nippy and mischievous. I went in today thinking 'Maybe it's time I made a fresh start with Labradors, this summer may be different?'.  She said as Cora the overweight labrador bound into her own poop and then jumped up to smear it down my arms.
I rest my case.

Stay tuned for more carnage and dog poop over summer *cries*



  1. I used to help out at a dog groomers washing and drying dogs. Westies (those little white terriers) are evil. Pure evil. Seriously, no one understands until they have to deal with them. Oh my gosh, all the horrible memories are flooding back. I feel your pain. Jobs like that aren't pretty


    1. Ergh I know what you mean about Westies. They can have real mean attitudes. Jobs like that certainly are not pretty!


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