Friday, 25 July 2014

Why You Should Hire Me

I've been struck by inspiration. Still rocking the unemployed graduate label and being rejected by more jobs than...Okay I actually spent a good couple of hours trying to think of some witty metaphor yet I could not...and then it hit me....there is nothing more rejected then a graduate fresh out of University....ouch.

Anyways, there are only so many 'pity cakes' this unemployed graduate can eat and only so many afternoons spent trying to boost ones self esteem and hope by singing to a girl power Beyonce medley before I feel it is time to think outside of the box.  I was on Twitter (in my search for thinking outside of the box) and I saw this job ad.
 It cracked me up and I thought for my own personal amusement I am making an online application. Desperately grasping for a career in Digital Marketing, what better way to achieve this than by marketing myself on my own blog. So here it goes, why you should hire me:

1. Some Say...She's pretty darn good at Social Media
I'm so good at Social Media I even find signs that link to Social Media..Mind blow right?
Let's start with the obvious - the obvious being my kick ass flair for social media. Without social media there would be no such thing as digital marketing. Duh. However just because you know how to write a Facebook status doesn't mean every Jack and Sally( seriously though, who is this Jack and Sally?) is a pro at social media. Not only do I have experience in managing social media from a marketing perspective but I owe a large chunk of my degree to it. Oh yes, I gained a solid first in my dissertation where I successfully provided evidence of why music fans such as One Direction have opted to use Twitter over Myspace to connect with musicians. Some may say...I'm kind of a big social networking deal. (My friends also nickname me the Queen of Twitter/Future leader of Twitter. If that doesn't sell my social media talents I just don't know what will).

2. This Blog
This is real life evidence of my understanding of social media, digital marketing, content marketing, SEO, blogger outreach etc. But that is not all blogging is about. No no, my blog is my personality, my talents, my efforts and my efficiency. It's also a place for you to come for comfort and hugs. *Gives internet hug* See, I'm all about the love. Oh and I recently got told my blog ranks as one of the UK's top 10 student lifestyle blogs. Say whaaaaat?!

3. Team Player

I am so much of a team player that lets just say, if The Avengers really existed, they'd be asking me to be part of their gang. I'd also be organizing regular team sing songs, kinda like High School Musical but with more jazz hands.

4. Efficiency is my middle name
I'm too darn efficient if ever such a thing existed (well it does because that's me). I am freakishly organised, OCD (in a great way) about time management and punctuality and I thrive getting things done under strict timings. You could just say I am Monica from Friends.

5. I bake
Here are some I made earlier
I don't mean to brag but I am pretty sassy in the world of cake baking. Obviously you shouldn't hire me based on the fact I can make good cake but see it as a bonus in the package that is hiring me.

6. I'm super nice
I love meeting new people and within 60 seconds of meeting you I will be chatting until the cows come home...or you tell me to shh. But I'm a real social bunny and as many of my previous colleagues, course friends, employers, blog readers and pet dog will happily tell you, I'm a real great friend.

7.  I dreamed a dream
It may at times involve some Tay Tay hair flicking and dancing
I'm a real dreamer and I have big goals for my future and career. This means I know how important it is to work hard and to give it all I got. 

8. Not a one trick pony
My CV is full of experience. From teaching to conducting business to community relationships (which received media attention btw) to tap dancing to medieval bone washing (Yeah you read that right) to social media managing to acting as a lifestyle editor, I've done a whole bunch of fun and crazy things. I'm brimming with experience and culture which in turn has given me great skills and experience. What's not to love?!

9. I make a good brew
Once again, you shouldn't hire me based on this factor but see it as a bonus with that slice of cake I hand you in the office.

10. I'm a go getter
I get scared of big challenges but that wont stop me. I'll be scared for 5 minutes and then I'd dive in and come back swinging. I get a little thrill of a challenge and will do what I can to be awesome in the process. Hence the Iron Man GIF. 

SO if you need a digital marketing assistant/Outreach PR Strategist within the Manchester area (could possibly relocate) then YOU need ME to rock your digital socks! Get in touch now for your cake baking, tea making, superhero flyin', Taylor Swift hair flicking, social media'ring guru to fill your office with all fun, laughter and success! Oh and let's not forget the cake, the cake will be there too. 

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Dog Diaries #1

Hell hath frozen over in the form of dog poop.

So it happened. I just had my first day back at the kennels. Pray for me. Like seriously. I just had a shower and scrubbed 5 layer of skin off AND I STILL SMELL OF DOG POOP. To fill those in who weren't with me last year, my summer job is a kennel and cattery assistant. *Slaps yo face* NO do not say 'Awe but you get to cuddle cute puppies and kittens all day', yehuh I know you just thought that. No I don't. I don't call spending the first 5 minutes of my shift removing my left arm from the jaws of a German Shepard 'cuddling'. I spent last summer acting as a human chew toy, cat waitress and walking pile of poop and because there are no jobs for graduates, imma doing it all over again.. ..Hold onto your non poop covered clothes...I'm bringing sexy back.

 *Queue knight in shining armor AKA dream job hiring manager sweeping in on his steed/job offer and save my sorry ass* 

So this year I have decided to share with the internet my experiences. I do not speak dog, I do not understand the philosophy of tail chasing and I most certainly am not qualified in animal behaviour. However do not fear for I am far more realistic. Instead I offer you a lifetime of living in a canine filled family home and a part time career in kennel care. I’ve grown up with Rottweiler’s, crossbreeds, Springer Spaniels and German Shepherds. I’ve worked with every breed under the sun from six foot Great Danes to barely visible Chihuahuas and about a hundred notorious Labradors. As amusing as Canine company is, I find it is the owners behaviour where the real fun begins. And with this experience I have seen and done it all. I have wrestled with a Bullmastfif, dove in wee with a Westie, lost my hand to the long jaw of a Poodle, the list is endless. 
  I don't wanna brag but they call me the dog whisperer.

And I hereby declare the Dog Diaries of summer 2014 open. I leave you with this:

I declared last summer after establishing all Labradors were sent from the devil to mock me, they were the worst dog breed possible. They are naughty, greedy, nippy and mischievous. I went in today thinking 'Maybe it's time I made a fresh start with Labradors, this summer may be different?'.  She said as Cora the overweight labrador bound into her own poop and then jumped up to smear it down my arms.
I rest my case.

Stay tuned for more carnage and dog poop over summer *cries*


Saturday, 19 July 2014

Went And Got Myself A Degree

Stop the press bloggeroonies, The Professional Drama Queen went and got herself a degree! I hear by declare that I have truly earned myself the title of The Professional Drama Queen. I now pronounce you bloggers with pride.

I am currently chillaxing in bed with a brew after just getting home from York. My graduation ceremony was yesterday and I am exhausted! It was the most perfect and wonderful day with friends and family celebrating everything I had achieved over the past 3 years. It made me feel all grown up and adult like. Well...that was until I got my heel stuck in one of my campus's bridges and had to awkwardly stumble around in my gown trying to remove it. I then remembered I was still the crazy ass walking disaster that probably does not quite fit adult status yet...Oh world, what have you unleashed onto adult society...

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Batman GRADMAN!

My College

But guess what, I DID NOT fall over! That was my biggest fear. Falling over on a stage in front of thousands of people that was also being streamed live worldwide. Ya' big pressure of anything. I even planned my underwear based on the face that if I did fall over at least I'd have pretty underwear on and not Bridget Jones big pantys. I mean lets face it, if anyone was going to trip on their ass it was gonna be me. I must have looked so nervous ready to walk across the stage as the woman sending us up looked at me and 

'You'll be fine, honestly!' in a quirky American accent

Quite clearly the look of fear was truly defined by my face yesterday.

Overall it was a perfect day and a the appropriate end to three of the most special years of my life. I will miss the University of York and York itself so so so so much. I was spoiled to have had the chance to go there.

And so now one must go forth with such grace and dignity (not) in her quest to find true full time adult job employment whilst battling the great dog poop shoveling summer job of 2014 all whilst remaining focused, elegant and down right crazy. 

May the force be with you, live long and prosper, with great power comes great responsibility, it's not who I am underneath but what I do that defines me......don't fall over and stop embarrassing yourself.

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

The Daily Thoughts Of The Unemployed Graduate

...Other than 'my life sucks'.
Okay sorry for the bleak opening. I ain't gonna sugar coat my current feelings because I am too drained to. I have applied for a zillion jobs over the past few weeks and I have heard NOTHING back. Not even a courtesy email to tell me my application and myself suck and they do not want to hire me. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? It gets to about 2pm every day and I just cry into a cup of tea about the disaster that is my graduate life. Go to university they said, do a degree they said, it will all be worth it they said, you'll find a job so easily they said. *slaps university in the face* How dare you lie to me! You took my money and you left me with nothing. Used and abused. 

After the success of my last 'my life sucks because I am unemployed and Leonardo Dicaprio doesn't love me' post I thought what better way to express my true hurt feelings then blogging. I mean, why else would I be blogging? So in honour of humpday confessions (my new favourite time of the week) here are the daily thoughts of the unemployed graduate.

Thought 1
Crap. I have no job.

Thought 2
I applied for my dream job last week and they never replied to me...

Thought 3
Is it me? Do they sit in their recruitment offices laughing at my applications?

Thought 4
No I am far to amazing to not be hired. I was put on this planet to do great things and I am just waiting to be discovered

Thought 5
If one more graduate recruitment agency tells me I can get a job by following their stupid steps I am going to KILL.

Thought 6
I am going to be in this boat forever?

Thought 7
Did I just hear my email notification?! Is someone emailing me a job offer?!!

Thought 8
Crap it's that recruitment agency trying to hassle me again. RUN FROM THE PHONE.

Thought 9
I hope no one asks me what I am doing today because the answers 'cry into a cup of tea whilst watching Desperate Housewives reruns' is not a cool answer

Thought 10
If I had a pound for every time someone asked me what my plans are now I have graduated I wouldn't actually have to apply for jobs because I'd be effing minted

Final thought
I'm doomed
I hope you enjoyed this snippet of my spiraling existence. Now excuse me but I have some job applications to be rejected from.

Vodka and Soda

Monday, 14 July 2014

New Dwindlings

Sup homedawgs, I hope you had a super fun weekend and your Monday ain't too crappy. I personally am hating Monday. Just for no particular reason apart from the fact that I can.
So I have a new bedroom and I don't quite know why it has taken me so long to blog about it. Not that the internet really needs to see it I just kinda want to show you it anyway. I have a long way to go until I will be 100% satisfied with it. I can honestly tell you, you know you're getting old when you start obsessing over home furnishings and interior design. I am so fixated with cute little crappy things to cram on every surface right now and as soon as I get a full time job I am going over board. I mean, who doesn't love a bit of paraphernalia?! (The non drug kind silly!)

 No bedroom is complete without a cute scruffy English Springer Spaniel as decor. He hates having his photo taken so he is refusing to look at the camera. I am also lacking a headboard at the moment so I need to go hunting for one of those.
I got a couple of super adorable bed sheets from BHS. Their homeware is so pretty and it was all on sale which was the added bonus.
Oh and do admire that wonderful handmade patchwork quilt and matching cushions that yours truly created *cough genius cough*
 The desk is by far my favourite piece of new furniture. I value having a creative space where I can relax, feel inspired and comfortable. My university desk was so cute and it helped me feel creative when blogging so I purposely went out of my way to find a white desk that would give me the same vibe. Ikea we have a winner! .... Oh and not to brag but I kinda built the desk myself (with the help of my mum). Man points yes?

 How cute are these heart button magnets?! I found them on ebay for £3.50 and they are perfect for my desk white board. Y'know, when the day comes (if the day ever comes) that I am serious business ladaaay and I need a noticeboard for all my bits and bobs, well here we go! I mean, who needs a bigger reason than this to hire me?!

Yehuh I got a new wardrobe with a full blown selfie mirror so I now need to master the art of selfies in the mirror. It even has its own handbag shelf. Dream. Come. True.
And here is my face/first bedroom selfie. I hope you enjoyed it.
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