Wednesday, 28 May 2014

How Lucky I Am

'How lucky i am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard'
So here I am. The final days of university. I have come to the end of the most important experiences of my life. The end of the degree that changed my life forever. The end of the degree that led to this blog. To the young woman I am today (Okay it feels weird calling myself that). This post is dedicated to the past three years of my life. They have been the most challenging, difficult and greatest ones yet. I have learnt so much about myself and the person I want to be. I've learnt the true meaning of strength, bravery and aspirations. 
Three years ago my parents left me in York in my new student halls. The first thing I did was cry. I cried for about 10 minutes on my new bedroom floor. Devastated my parents had left me and too afraid to discover what was beyond my bedroom door. Eventually I picked myself up off the floor, wiped away any evidence I had been crying and forced myself against my will to head into the kitchen and meet my new flatmates. And so my journey began.
3 years ago, all packed up and ready to head to university
First year for me was my worst. It wasn't the work load nor the strain from living away from home that ruined it. It was my flat. From day one there was a divide between the 12 of us. Me and 3 of my flatmates got on like a house on fire. We were what we considered normal, enthusiastic students. The other half of my flat grouped together and made the total of 6 months living in student halls hell. You think if you keep to yourselves and stay out of the way you'd be overlooked and left alone? How wrong we were. We were tormented to the extent  that yes, you could class it as bullying. Standing outside our rooms intimidating us in the middle of the night so we were too afraid to come out, making nasty comments and jokes at our expenses in the kitchen and stealing food and drink from us. The list is endless. I came away from my first year of university defeated. Asking myself how could I continue for the next two years if this is what university really was.
First year fun
First year fun, course friend turned housemate
I look back and wish I could tell first year Laura to hold tight. Things will get better and all those nights crying herself to sleep will seem so silly now. 
I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly satisfied watching my tormentors turn out the way they did. First year of university taught me that what goes around really does come around. I forgive them for their twisted games. Jealousy got the better of them and I hope one day they look back and learn from the choices they made. I also thank them for being so cruel. They pushed and pushed us to strive for better and to be braver. I watched my flatmate become the fierce and confident young woman she is today because of them. She beat her bullies by rising above them. I always tell her she inspires me to be as strong as she is.
Forever regretting first year fashion choices on a night out
Second year was definitely one of my favourites. Myself and my 3 flatmates moved into a student house, 15 minutes from campus and 15 minutes from town. We threw ourselves into student living with house party after house party. We ventured out to places we never had before and began to find our feet. I found new interests that I never knew I had and I let shine the dreams I had once held so tightly and trapped away, never to disrupt the peace and path that had been set out for me to follow. I found inspiration from new modules, new people and new discoveries. We had really got to grips with the city, had 'favourite places' and 'the worst places.' It really felt like home. Yes, things weren't always so great. Our degrees got harder, boys got meaner, people we thought we could trust turned against us. We began as a house to drift from one housemate in particular. Issues rose that made it impossible for us to live together. That was another low point. Breaking up from a friendship you thought you could survive is hard. Once again I am grateful it happened. It brought me closer to my housemates that I did get on with and it made me very certain of myself and who my real friends were.
Fancy dress - another aspect I will miss

Another highlight of second year is this blog. Letting my dreams sneak out of my mouth was the greatest thing I did. It led me to a knew career path, one that I had told myself I'd never achieve for so long. And with this my blog was created. 
Welcoming our new housemate and ready for new beginnings
Third year was my hardest. Those who have followed my blogging journey know I have fought some real battles this year. Academically and personally. I lost a close family member causing both my degree and myself to suffer immensely. I lost myself for a while. I don't know where I went but I was numb and forever walking in a grey cloud. I was a robot walking around completely absent. It was almost like watching myself behind glass. Some days were fine and other days I'd find myself sat in a library toilet cubicle crying my eyes out.  Eventually I picked myself up, dusted myself down and ran back into the battle. I came back swinging and gave it all I got. Knowing you have so little time left makes you so determined to leave your mark and make the most of it. I do not want to relive my worst days but I am grateful once again because they were the drive I needed. The final push was down to them. In this third year I have appreciated every single moment. Knowing I had little time left in such a crucial and beautiful atmosphere made me cling as tightly as I could. I reflect on these three years and admire the changes and the things I did. I learnt it really is okay when things go tits up. I worked hard but it didn't pay off. It stung and I cried (I cry an awful lot) and I almost gave up. I almost refused to continue. What was the point? Once again, I'd go back a few months, slap myself and tell myself to suck it up and get your shit together. Life is no walk in the park but it will eventually at some point, maybe not not and maybe not for a long time, work out.

My housemates
The dream team
Those three are my world. Knowing all three of them since day 1 of my time in York and having them sit by me on every adventure makes me almost feel sorry for those who have not known and experienced what I have. I feel rich in friends around them. They're the kind of girls who if I came home and told them my new dream is to join the circus, they would reply with 'Amazing! Where can we sign up for tickets to watch your first show?!' Every new adventure, scheme, plan, wish and dream they have encouraged me to do.
Friends from home have told me how much the envy my close relationship with these girls. Many friends have come and gone but these three have always remained. We even joke that we're 'the unit' as we do EVERYTHING together and it is rare that we are seen with out each other. It's become quite a spectacle to those outside of our house.
 They would always be there laughing with me. In times of crisis they are quick to defend me from my demons, bring me tissues and chocolate in times of sadness and come running in with their shields and swords when there was a spider in my room. In the words of Taylor Swift, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with them. 

University of York

What a place to grow. I would recommend York to anyone in a heartbeat. Placed in a beautiful city and so culturally strong, it's an adventure waiting to be discovered. I have watched so many people find themselves in this place. Things may not always be shiny and perfect, the university may have it's flaws but doesn't everything? York creates an instant community between students. Being here has always made me feel like I am part of something. There is something for everyone. The opportunities are incredible and the people you meet will leave you in awe. I have been taught by some of the most inspiring and intelligent academic minds I have ever met. I feel blessed to be sat in a lecture hall being taught by someone who has left a major stamp in not only the academic world but on society. Some have intimidated me with the their intellectual minds, some have baffled me with their insane but logical outlook on society and others have seen things in me that I could not see myself. My dissertation supervisor being one. This is awfully cringy to write but he really inspired me in not only my dissertation but the areas in life I want to work in. He's the kind of person you could sit in a cafe and listen to his specialized knowledge all day long. So for him I am grateful.
University confirms to me that I will miss learning. York smashed the barrier that I didn't even know existed. I feel like I have barely scratched the surface in terms on my course. I feel like there is still a whole world out there left to learn. I have this fear once I leave uni my brain will turn to slush and fall out my ears as it will no longer be challenged in learning. 
From the lecturers to the lectures to campus itself, I will miss it all. In times of stress my friends and myself have often walked around campus, full of wildlife and found peace once more. It's like living in one big garden everyday for three years....the only downside being the slightly aggressive geese.

For me university wasn't what I thought it was going to be. However this is the same case for most of my friends from uni and from home. It wont be the party central rave you think it will be. It will be emotionally draining, mentally challenging and at some point, probably the worst time of your life. Yet that isn't to say you wont enjoy it. For every dark moment there is an equally uplifting, inspiring, hilarious, life changing moment to equal it. Yes I have really had some bad times at uni but at the same time I have also had the best. I have sat with my housemates laughing at the daily disasters we each endured, giggled with lecturers at my inability to understand what on earth I'm doing, huddled under blankets with my housemates too afraid to spend money on heating, stuck pans under the leaky ceilings of our 'quirky' student house whilst questioning whether we'll survive the night, taken late night trips to McDonalds drive through in my pyjamas, said 'Okay just one more drink' and woken up on my bedroom floor with no memory, sat in a bathtub throwing shampoo bottles at spiders, been regularly chased by campus ducks and geese, laughed so hard I cried... I could really go on. I often pitied the rest of the world when I was crying with laughter with my friends because the rest of the world were not me living that moment right there, feeling invincible. One moment of happiness at uni made all those darker days so worth it. 

I don't know where I'll be in 6 months time. Heading back home after these last three years feels like such a step backwards. I remember being 10 minutes away from campus sat in the back of my dads car feeling so afraid. Wishing the seat would swallow me whole and never let me enter campus. It's incredible that something I would have given anything to never enter is now something I'd give anything to never leave. I almost wish I could appear in the car next to 'just about to begin' Laura, tell her everything really will be okay and show her the amazing person she is going to become. She's unrecognizable to me now.  
Someone recently said to me 'It's just bricks and mortar, it's the memories that go with you'. I will always have a special place in my heart for all the happy memories from university. I know there will be days when the longing to relive them will almost be too overwhelming. However I will always know how spoiled I was in my experiences.

Oh York how I will miss you 
p.s. I hope you didn't cringe reading this as much as I did writing it...sob story or what?!

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Mountain Conquered

Guess what? Guess what? Go on, guess! I have something to tell you. It's kind of a really big deal....nope...nothing? Okay I will tell you....I FINISHED MY DEGREE! 
Yesterday afternoon I printed off my 10,000 word dissertation, had it bound, took a cheesy photo, handed it in and then headed to the nearest bar!
My dissertation was the last piece of work I ever did as an undergraduate and I can honestly say it was the proudest piece of work I had ever produced. For those of you who really want to know I did it on music fan behavior on Twitter. I analysed 210 tweets from a range of music fans such as One Direction fans to Eminem fans. I would love to tell you all about it but if I talk about it anymore I fear I may blow my brains out. There are only so many times I can write/read/hear the words 'music fan' before I start to shudder. 

So where do we go from here? I have 5 weeks left of term. Those 5 weeks shall be spent making the most of the time I have left with my friends and in this beautiful city. It will also be spent job hunting and planning for the rest of my life! I can honestly say I am heart broken to be at this point. The struggle has been huge and I have climbed some frightening mountains but every struggle has been worth the fight. I am blessed for my experiences and I do not want to leave!

I am planning to do an 'end of my degree' post later but right now I am awfully tired. Months of  6:30am starts and long days in the library have finally caught up with me. I didn't get out of bed until 10:30am today. Can you believe how late that is?! I can't remember the last time I ever did that. Today is a 'me' day. Pajamas, takeaway, cake, bed, blogging and movies. I give myself one big pat on the back. I also wanted to use this post to thank everyone who has stuck with me wishing me positive thoughts throughout the dissertation battle. Your words of encouragement eased the blow.

Now I have to sit tight and pray that all my efforts and hard work will pay off in my results. Even though my dissertation has been handed over I do not feel like I've won this battle yet. Wish me luck!

Friday, 16 May 2014

Everyday Sexism

This is gonna be one hell of an interesting post. Well for me it is. I don't know how you're going to feel about it. If I'm honest I was debating writing it due to the whole taboo attached to females and gender inequality. 

I'd never in my life seen that I was unequal to men. I always thought I had just as much of a shot at anything as boys did. I am fortunate to have only experienced minor episodes of sexism in my life. In year 9 my Chemistry teacher informed me he thought education wasn't for me and I should go and study 'beauty' at a local college. I'd love to go back and show him how I am at one of the country's top universities, really I would.
My second experience of sexism was when I worked at Tesco to fund my A level years. I was 18 and I had experienced some serious bad treatment by a male till manager. He lied and manipulated my position. I was outraged and upset and did what anyone would do and take it higher. My supervisor was outraged and took it to the duty manager who then took it further. A week later I was called into an office with Personnel (HR to most of you) thinking I would get an apology (To be fair it was all I needed). However to my horror I was informed that it was 'Okay to get sensitive and have a little cry after work and *Insert till manager here* will give me a hug to make up for it'. I was outraged that my rational reaction to a situation in work was turned into 'irrational emotional woman' reaction. Thank god I was out of there and off to uni one month later.

So I class myself as pretty fortunate in terms of sexist incidents. However over this past week I have faced not one, not even two but THREE incidents of sexism. I thought I'd inform you and would love to hear your thoughts.

Incident One: My housemate has a Fiat 500 that has just turned 1. It has begun to make a weird noise so we went a local Fiat dealership for advice. As soon as we had entered the garage we were not approached but in fact ignored. I mean two young girls in a car dealership, how out of place is that?! (Sorry wasn't aware I'd slipped and fallen into the 1950s). Eventually we marched over to a salesman and informed him of the car issue. To our disgust he spoke to us in a demeaning and patronizing tone, quick to dismiss us. I rolled my eyes and walked out. 

Incident Two: I went out for cocktails with a couple of friends last week. We hit some bars and then drunkenly stumbled into a local club. As it is exam season we pretty much had the place to ourselves. I headed over to the empty bar and ordered myself a drink. The DJ (who was quite clearly bored due to the emptiness of the club) took one look at me and said 'What are you doing in a place like this?'
I responded with 'Excuse me??'
DJ: 'Well you're dressed to prim and proper, like the kind of girl who goes to church on Sundays'
Me: 'Are you kidding me??'
DJ: 'No I mean, like you're not dressed like the usual slags you get out'
Me: 'Please do tell me at what point you thought it was acceptable to speak to and about girls in that way?'
He quickly tried to hasten the conversation to an end by offering to play anything I wanted. I requested Beyonce (obviously) to which he responded 'Oh typical girl'
To which I responded with a speech of how not only does Beyonce inspire women to do what they want, dress like they want and be who they want but also to stand up to douchebags such as the one I was currently talking to. 
DJ: *speechless*......I'll erm, go and play you some Beyonce then...
I'm not going to lie, that was one of the most empowering moments of my life. Thank you Beyonce! 

Incident Three: Today I had to walk 30 minutes to my local doctors. The weather is hot so I was wearing my Guns N Roses vest top. I'm going to be honest In saying I have a cracking pair of DD's. That however does not mean every creepy bloke in a car, van or lorry is entitled to stare, honk and shout at them for the duration of my walk to the doctors and back.

Sorry once again, wasn't aware I was a walking piece of meat.

Before I came to uni I would never class myself as a feminist. To me feminists were extreme and ridiculous. It seems feminism is always in the media spotlight and in such a negative way. So much angst!  How wrong I was. I now would proudly call myself a feminist, not because I want to shoot men down but because I want to walk down the street without feeling afraid and insecure, to dress up on a night out to make myself feel good and for no other reason and lastly, so I can buy a bloody car without some wanker overlooking me because I have a pair of tits. 

I am proud that I stood up for myself in that club. I am not proud that a few female friends I told were so dismissive of my actions and telling me 'oh you're so silly/funny when you're drunk.' Ladies it is not okay. And I am not saying men don't suffer either. There are things the way men are treated because they are men that enrage me.

I suppose the purpose of this post is to highlight everyday sexism and to not feel ashamed to stick up for yourself, regardless of gender. I continue to feel optimistic about my future with little or non sexist experiences. But I do worry more now more then I ever did. Will things get better or am I in for a rough ride? I even ask myself, if I have a little girl in the future, what will her world be like?

I really am interested to hear your thoughts on this one so please drop a comment and let me know your thoughts and experiences! 

Monday, 12 May 2014

Keep Calm And Whatever You Do, Don't Panic!

Panicking? Who said anything anything about panicking? I'm totally cool. Completely cool. So cool I could be an ice cube in the North Pole. Toooooootally cool. Not panicking at all.

Okay. I lied. 
I'm freaking out. 

I have 14 days until I hand in my dissertation and end my degree. 14 days to save my degree. 14 days to save my future. I mean,  I've written all these blog posts about future and jobs and being successful and marrying Leonardo DiCaprio but how can any of that happen without succeeding in my dissertation? Leonardo doesn't want a girl who can't produce a quality 10,000 word research paper does he?!  Well, don't you worry Leo, I am working extra hard for you. I know you haven't got in touch with me as you don't want to distract me from my degree. I get that. It's so considerate of you.

I'm writing this post to all the university students out there either for comfort or for advice on what life is like in the final stages of your dissertation. I have more ups and downs these days then a rollercoaster. If you seek comfort or if you seek to know what life is like as a finals student then here is your example:

Step 1: Have no idea what you're doing but convince yourself you have loads of time. When I came back from Easter 3 weeks ago I was convinced I had looooooads of time. I even squeezed in a night out and a day of hangover. Well 3 weeks went by and I'm now in the state of a ready to explode volcano.

Me in a nutshell

Step 2:  Get somewhere with it. You actually believe you're gonna make it. Really I think you are.

Step 3: Read over your first draft, realise it's the biggest pile of poop you've ever written and and decide to rewrite at least 5000 words 3 weeks before your deadline. After all, living life on the edge is best.

Step 4: Feel confident. You've rewritten your first draft and it's sounding pretty good. Good on you!

Step 5: Reread your first draft, realise a monkey could have produced a better study and freak out.

Step 6: Calm your mother fudging self down and remember you have time to correct your misjudged ways.

Step 7: Print off a copy and let your friends and family read it. But before you do ensure to get them to sign a declaration form stating you can sue if they laugh. 

Step 8: Receive feedback from your parents telling you 'they did not understand the subject'

Step 9: Panic.

Step 10: Erm...I'm at step 10 now so I'm not sure how it will end.... Pray for me....

And there we have it. I mean worst comes to worst I'll just become a stripper...I'M JOKING. However I do realise I said this was for those seeking for comfort and if anything I have gone in the opposite direction. Well....I'm sorry. I don't know where to go with this. 

At the end of the day, I'm sure I'll be fine (lies, all lies). Good luck to all of those in exams and facing deadlines. If you have handed in your dissertation in, tell me, what is life like on the other side?!

Friday, 9 May 2014

Wish Want Wear Collaboration!

Greetings ladies(and gents if you fancy a read)! I have such an exciting post lined up for you. The wonderful people at Wish Want Wear contacted my a while ago and offered me the chance to do a collaboration with them. The collaboration is to promote their new student deal, which I'm telling you ladies you don't want to miss out on!

Wish Want Wear is the UK leading designer dress hire company that provide girls with the chance to hire designer dresses from the likes of Just Cavalli, Temperley London, Halston Heritage, See by Chloe, M Missoni and Herve Leger straight from the catwalk and all for a fraction of the price!....oh and get this....they even handle the dry cleaning after! Yehuh, every students dream come true right?! They are spoiling us poor students with the opportunity to hire any dress from their student style collection for just £60! You can stop drooling on your keyboard right about now...

Now who here is guilty for spending silly amounts of money on a dress, worn it once and it has since taken to solitude in the back of your wardrobe? Oh I see you there looking guilty! Don't worry, I too have committed the sin of one dress wearing. This is why I am so impressed with Wish Want Wear's idea. Before they contacted me I didn't know such a thing existed and now I wish I had as I could have definitely have found them useful over the past 3 years of my degree!

For this collaboration I picked out the Milly Alegra Sweetheart Dress. I loved the tweed style, which is at the height of  fashion pattern trends right now thanks to 90s style icons like Cher from Clueless. I also picked this dress as it was a style I had never worn before and felt like it was time for an adventure! The quality of the dress was incredible and I felt like a star in it (If only Zac Effron or Leonardo DiCaprio could see me in it). I teamed it up with my Vivienne Westwood pumps and Michael Kors cross-body bag. I also think it would have looked amazing with a pair of black or coral wedges. Anyways, I love knowing all about brands so I was quick to research Milly. To my amazement the likes of Lady Gaga and Leighton Meester have sported a Milly design and now I was going to wear one on a night out?! Sounds too good to be true right?! To hire it's £40 but its RRP is £390. Never would I believe I'd ever get the chance to wear a designer dress whilst living the student life!

I hired it for a cocktail night with my bestie and oh boy what a night (Yeah I may still be recovering now 2 nights later). I had such a funny night and fell madly in love with the dress. In fact, so in love I almost didn't send it back and considered running away in it to another country to continue the love affair. However I eventually had to be talked into returning the dress *cries*. Another great bonus is the ease of returning. All you need to do is pop it back on the easy to pack box, stick the returns label on, stick it down with the provided tape and off to Mr Postman it goes! Such a relief to not have to wash a dress after a night out, especially when you're in my situation where you're trying to save on washing powder and can't afford to do too many more washes before the end of term...wooops

I definitely recommend you checking out the gorgeous dresses they have to offer and if you're worried about your summer balls, prom dress hire or graduations or even need a dress for a night out with your girls, I recommend you rock a Wish Want Wear designer dress leaving all your friends speechless! Plus their student offer isn't one to be missed!

To get your unique code for your student style dress you can contact Wish Want Wear by or call 0207 3724 607

I can't recommend Wish Want Wear enough, it's such a clever idea and I hope to be using them in the future for all occasions. I've already got my eye on one for future events... 

If you do go with Wish Want Wear (which you really should) let me know which dress you pick! And if you have any questions, feel free to drop me a comment!

Friday, 2 May 2014

Happy Blog Birthday!

Exactly one year ago to this day I launched The Confessions Of A Professional Drama Queen. Oh my goodness me! Wait...before we go any further can we just take a moment to give me a round of applause for getting off my arse and blogging for an entire year. That is serious commitment.

Okay so I've been blogging for a whole year. Like wow. What an exciting journey adventure (I was going to say journey but I didn't want to sound too much like the closing scene of a reality TV show) it has been! I can honestly say with such pride that blogging is my greatest achievement. Cliche as it sounds a lot can happen in a year and a lot definitely has happened in my blogging year. I wanted to do something special for this post to mark my blogiversary so various ideas popped into my head. At first I thought about doing a giveaway but I'm a poor student and the only thing I could afford to giveaway is a white envelope full of thin air. Sooo the person that promotes this post the most to all their friends and family will be the lucky winner of an envelope that I personally breathed into. Yes, do try to contain yourself with excitement, I know this is a huge opportunity.

Now we've got that out the way I decided the best way to celebrate my blogiversary was to cover my blogging highlights and to send out some thank yous. So lets pretend for the rest of this post I am doing my Oscar speech.

Blogging Highlights

  • Reaching many views on Blogger, Glipho and Google Plus - I know blogging isn't just about the views but they are a massive boost of confidence knowing thousands of people have read my blog. Thank you!

  • Becoming Lifestyle Editor and manager of Social Media for - Blogging has boosted my confidence a great deal and on this 'journey' (it had to be said, sorry!) I was invited to become part of Student Life. This is something that blogging has enabled me to do and I thank my blog for that *Hugs laptop screen*

  • Becoming global - It is actually incredible to know not only that my biggest audience isn't my home country but my audience is global. People from Malaysia to Australia to China are reading my blog daily. *Waves across the ocean*. A couple of weeks ago a distant acquaintance/Facebook friend (someone I haven't really spoken to since the days of being 13 on Myspace) popped up on  Facebook and told me they loved my blog. I froze in horror. I panicked. I tell NO ONE I know about my blog so how on earth had she found it? So I asked, shaking in fear. She told me she was currently in Miami and was googling and found me quite high up. I was and still am shocked. She told me it was popular over in the states and she herself thought I was funny (This is SO incredibly awkward if she's gone back to my blog and she's reading this right now, erm hi, thank you so much honestly you made me smile). That moment sent my sky high with happiness . My stats tell me my biggest audience is the USA and that is incredible. So to every single person from local or global, thank you for making me incredibly happy for reading my blog! *internet hug*

  • Over 200 followers on Glipho  - I'm always raving about how much I love Glipho. From day one Glipho made my audience big and my success even bigger. So thank you Glipho and thank you to every single follower!

  • Winning the Fanny Crown March Blogger Contest - Last month I won a free gown from Fanny Crown for entering their blogging contest. To be rewarded for doing something creative from your own mind is amazing. Definitely one of my fave moments ever!
Thank You
So imagine I'm stood behind a podium holding a Oscar Bloscar (Yeah I just made it a thing) in a floor length gown that makes me look like a princess/Leonardo Dicaprio's future wife and I'm making my acceptance speech.

My first thank you goes to the loyal bunch of readers who comment and promote my blog posts. I tell myself to be more on it with giving back to those who support my blog weekly once I have finished my degree. So thank you to those who have pushed and pushed my blog posts so much. Also to @FemaleBloggerRT on Twitter who help to engage a large audience.

My second goes to Glipho for promoting me all the time, you guys make me feel famous. I'm pretty sure Leonardo DiCaprio or Zac Effron are going to notice me any day now thanks to you.

My third thank you goes to anyone who has ever interacted with me on my blog. I like interaction. I get all blushy and think 'naw someone cares what I'm writing' so thank you if you have ever taken the time to write on my blog.

So this is probably a major anticlimax of a blogiversary but y'know, poor students can only do so much with the internet. And don't worry, I wasn't expecting you to give me presents or anything but as a congratulations you should follow me/connect/add my to your circle/add my to your square etc on all platforms cause you love me.

May my next year of blogging be just as adventurous, crazy and less focused on student disasters and more on adult world success. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I will still be producing blog posts on how I fell over or humiliated myself in a large public space....did I mentioned I poured boiling water on my cereal instead of my coffee this week?

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