Thursday, 10 April 2014

Don't Do Lent

Well, I think we're over half way through lent. I've only killed 10 shop assistants, 6 waiters and caused on apocalypse. Okay I'm joking, it was only 5 shop assistants...

Giving up chocolate for lent is my worst idea yet. Next time I come up with one of these great ideas please slap me and remind me of this moment. Giving up chocolate has taught me alot. I thought I'd share:

  • Chocolate is everything. Seriously. Everytime I'm like 'Ooo I could have one of these' I remember it's part chocolate or contains cocoa. Oh mochas how I miss thee

  • Everyone has chocolate to offer. I always find when you want chocolate you don't have any within a million miles. However when you don't want chocolate, lets say for lent, every mother fudger you've ever known, even your worst enemies are throwing it at you. WHY?!

  • Non chocolate ice cream is inferior. I've been craving ice cream for weeks so last night a friend and myself popped to the shops. About 90% of the ice cream on offer had chocolate in it so it was a major challenge when all I wanted was role around with Ben & Jerry (Oh stop it you). In the end I settled for caramel and honeycomb which was the worst ice cream purchase I have ever made. Horrendous doesn't cover it. It just made me miss chocolate even more.

  • No one wants to dine with you. Seriously it's no fun because everyone wants chocolate desserts and think I ruin the evening as I can't share a big chocolate sundae. Lent has made me friendless.

  • The craving never leaves. It's been a month since I ate chocolate and I'm still craving it.Give up chocolate they said. You'll get over it they said. LIES.

  • I cant function without chocolate. I'm tired all the time. Yes I know it's because I'm an old fart now but I really cannot move without chocolate. My body hates me and wont take me back. I'm sorry. Lent destroyed the only good relationship I had...with my body.

  • Lent was the worst idea I've ever had. Next year if any of you are considering it, DON'T DO IT TO YOURSELF.
Just 10 more days. 10 more days. I don't think I can do it. I really don't. SOMEONE GIVE ME CHOCOLATE.

L.Bel xoxo


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