Tuesday, 18 March 2014

The Frustrated Ramblings Of A Drama Queen Part 2.

Alas it is that time again! The frustrated ramblings of a drama queen part 2! I enjoyed rambling away in part 1 and felt with Spring in our midst it was time for some more rambling. Now don't you ever say I don't know how to spoil my readers!

Ramble 1: Bikini Season on the horizon
Bikini season to me is that nightmare you just can't wake up from. Let me paint you a picture here, I am far from body confident. I never wear tight fitting, body hugging clothes. Ever. I don the baggy tops, dresses, jumpers and hoodies. You may wear some sexy silky nighty for bed, me? I wear oversized mens band t-shirts or my particular fave 'I <3 Vodka' oversized t-shirt..sexy right? In the words of Queen B, flawless. I don't loathe my body but I don't love it. If I'm fair, I don't mind my legs (got a crackin' pair of Beyonce thighs) and well I don't mind my upper half either (got a crackin' pair of something else as well) but it's my stomach I have my issue with. I try not to look at it because it intimidates me. Anyways, swimwear for me is something I can't hide the bits I don't like. Damn. Last year I managed to avoid it completely but this year I'm going on a holiday that involves a pool. *Sigh* Why can't we be a civilization that find it more attractive to go swimming in a onesie?

And another thing...

Is it just me or does swimwear get more complex? It used to be 3 simple options of a swimming costume, a tankini or a bikini. These days it's often a few triangles on a tiny piece of string or one piece of fabric with holes in all the wrong areas. I've been putting off going swimwear shopping for a while and now I have to face it I just don't know where to begin. We've gone from practical swimwear to the triangle on string death trap. And since when did people opt for wedgies?!

Honestly, if someone gave me the option of being able to eat cake for the rest of my life or having a flat stomach for the rest of my life I would definitely opt for cake.

Ramble 2: Bad sales pitching
So my phone contract ends soon. I've had a good run on T-Mobile (not) with an iPhone 4 however I feel it may be time to move companies, stop myself getting ripped off and get a new phone. T-mobile called me today to ensure me because I'm such a loyal customer (This is the only contract I've ever had with them) and they trust me so much (shame that feeling ain't mutual) that they want to do their best to give me a good new deal. Their way of doing this was offering me a free iPad on a 24 month contract along with a new phone and contract. Right so first of all, let me get this straight, their way of rewarding me for being a 2 year overpaying customer is by not only making me pay another 24 month phone contract but a tablet 24 month contract as well?! Sounds legit. So I inform the lady on the phone, who I'm sure it's not her fault as she's just following script, that I own a Kindle Fire HD plus a top of the range touch screen Window 8 operating laptop and therefore do not need an iPad. Low and behold she goes into full blown sales pitch mode (Yeah you know the one, where they start to use this tone as though they're about to change your life for the better) I'm informed I'm getting a free iPad on a contract that includes 2-for-1 orange Wednesdays (I don't go to the cinema an awful lot), 2 for 1 at Pizza Express (Everyone knows you can cheaper 3 course meal offers online plus I don't go to Pizza Express a lot) and an EE movie subscription, which is really really really handy for the kids (I'll let you guys guess my response to that one).

The worst part of this sales pitch is the whole 'I'm going to talk to you like we really value you as our loyal customer'. T-Mobile, and other mobile companies, here is my advice to you. Do your research before you make sweeping statements. If she had asked me before her sales pitch if I wanted these things I would have kindly explained that I only go to the cinema about 5 times a year, I only go to Pizza Express around 2 times a year and lastly I'm a 21 year old single student who can barely afford to feed myself let alone my theoretical kids who like to watch movie subscriptions whilst paying two 24 month contracts. Duh.

Laura: 1 Sales pitch: 0

Ramble 3: Bikini seasons evil accomplice - leg season.
Remember my post on why women are seasonal creatures? Well, it's getting close to that time again where we pretend to love the sun, dresses and tan when really we're mourning the end of a successful 3 months of not shaving our legs. Ladies, it's time to get those Venus razors stocked, or a sheep shearers for some cases, and hack those legs away.

Ramble 4: Exam and deadline season.
This one goes out to all the GCSE doers, The A level Sitters and the Undergrads. Normally from around April onward it's non stop deadlines and exams until around June time. Me personally, I have 10 weeks to complete a 10,000 word dissertation and two other assignments that will succumb to about 10,000 words. 20,000 words and 10 weeks. I'm not panicking. Nope, not panicking at all........quick someone pass me the cake and vodka!

And that concludes Spring seasons frustrated ramblings of a drama queen. Join me next time where I will be crying about the fact that I have graduated and I'm still unemployed. But hey, don't you worry about me, I'll have a new phone, a new overpriced phone contract and many useless 2 for 1 vouchers.

Until next time, stay sassy

L.Bel xoxo


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