Sunday, 16 February 2014

Girls With Their Glasses And Their Problems

Hi, I'm Laura and I have to wear glasses. 'Whoopdie-do, so do half the planet' you say. Ah yes that may be so, but if you're a girl and you wear glasses your life is definitely a lot harder then it is for a guy.
I have worn glasses since I was 12, I am short sighted (meaning I can't see things far away) and my eye sight each year gets progressively worse. I am at the stage where unless something is within 50cm of my face, it's a gradual blur.  However, I also hate wearing glasses and therefore try to get out of wearing them as much as possible. As you can imagine, I face many daily battles living in a blurry world. I can't afford contacts due to my student living and therefore face a daily battle. Here are my top reasons why it sucks to be a girl and to wear glasses:

You can't wear glasses whilst applying make up. It's just not possible. Therefore every morning you must intensely snog the mirror whilst you apply your make up in order to make sure you do the best job possible half blind. You admire your creation and think 'Hey, for blurry vision, this ain't half bad'. That is until you put on your glasses and realize you look like the Joker in a rain storm....

Shaving your legs
You can't wear glasses in the shower until the day someone invents glasses immune to humidity with installed window wipers. So your shaving blind. Not only do you have to focus in order to not accidentally slip and amputate your leg with your new 55 blade Venus razor, you can't actually see what your shaving. You just assume your doing a good job and role with it. Once again after your shower you put on your glasses and BAM you got yourself a pair of furry racing stripes for legs. Oh joy.

Public Recognition
When you're walking in public spaces and your forget your glasses you live in permanent fear of embarrassing yourself. You see someone from a distance that you think you know, you panic and check all recognizable features such as coat, handbag, hair to ensure it's definitely them. You take the risk and smile and wave. It isn't until you're within 50cm of said person that you realize it isn't your best friend, it's a bloke with a very fluffy hood. This has happened to me so much I've actually become immune to embarrassment.

Hipsters stealing your look
If one more person asks me if I bought my glasses from Topshop I'm going to seriously impair their vision. From Primark to ASOS, all fashion shops are selling their own version of my glasses and it makes me sad. Don't wear glasses if you don't need them. If you are one of those people go and get your stupid hipster glasses and stand on them before I do!

Evils is this phrase in the UK where you physically express your hatred for someone by squinting evilly at them. Unfortunately for me, squinting helps me see better when I'm not wearing my glasses. So naturally everyone I see in public assumes I dislike them when really I'm just trying to work out whether or not committing to waving at them. Dayum.

If you, like me, are as blind as a bat and face such issues or similar ones, let me know. Together we can walk the streets hitting lampposts with our furry legs and saying hi to strangers.

L.Bel xoxo


Sunday, 9 February 2014

How To Survive Valentines Day...

Oh shnap, did I just say the V word? Every single person of my age tends to dread this commercial holiday. You know you're this person when you insult every Facebook couple, make barfing sounds when you walk past every 'Valentines' isle in the shops, act like you're not even bothered even though deep down you're singing 'Somebody To Love' Freddie Mercury style and you find yourself constantly humming 'All By Myself' Bridget Jones style in your pyjamas over the next up and coming days....

If I'm honest even if I wasn't single on Valentines day I wouldn't be out there buying into it. It is overly sickening....Promise!

But for you poor single people out there who can't even go on instagram without seeing 'I'm a lucky girl' or 'My boyfriend is the best!' whilst throwing up on your keyboard at all the Facebook statuses, here's my survival guide:

Don't watch any romantic orientated film. Not even Bridget Jones (Sorry girl but you get the dream man in the end). That's like going on a diet and sitting in a cake shop. You just don't rub it in you maniac. Instead you're gonna watch lots of action films full of explosions, fast car rides and guns. And if that's not your thing you're gonna watch American Pie because there's nothing like a bit of teen awkwardness to forget all your problems.

Do order a Dominos. Last year my housemates and myself ordered 3 large pizzas, 2 sides, 1 dessert and a drink. They were so late due to being overly busy from all the other single people eating in with pizza they ended up giving us the entire meal for £1 PLUS crediting the entire meal to our account meaning we could order all of the above again at another point in our future and wouldn't have to pay a penny! So when your Dominos is late on Valentines day, ring them up and complain to your hearts content until you get freebies.

Avoid all social networking sites like the plague. You'll only be irritated with 'I'm the best girlfriend buying my boyfriend COD for is Xbox' or filtered pictures of roses and jewelry. *Yawn*

Focus on something that you aspire to gain. Whilst everyone if wasting their day and money buying fluffy pink teddies and sat eating expensive meals, you'll be getting ahead of the game whether that's applying for your dream job, accomplishing your goals in the gym or beating your work peers to completing a task. Whilst all the couples in the world are busy, you face no distractions, so use that as your drive.

Last but not least, under any circumstances will you be attending a one man self pity party. Just because you're single and you're living through a day dedicated to love doesn't mean you're worthless. Remember all you have achieved in life, know that you are loved and know that you're going to do something beautiful with you life.

See you in the Pizza queue,

L.Bel xoxo

P.s. and if the above don't fix your mood/low self esteem then just be grateful you're not a big cooperate shop who's going to have to spend the next week trying to shift shelves of useless reduced Valentines themed teddies and chocolate that no one will ever buy....

Thursday, 6 February 2014

The Tale Of A Students Worst Nightmare...

First of all, I come grovelling to you in deep shame. I am so sorry for my lack of blogging. I'm such a busy bunny I spend 9-5 in the library, come home and work/make tea and then fall asleep by 8. There is no party animal in this student I can tell you now!

'Group Presentations' - The two worst words you can say to a student. Why? Here's why:

  • There's Always One - One student who is more absent in group meetings then a single person in a restaurant on Valentines day. This person tends not to reply to any group emails arranging to meet up regardless of how aggressive they get. If you're lucky enough to gain an appearance it's only to inform you of some lame excuse as to why they can't attend only they're too stupid to realize we can all see those club photos they were tagged in the night before. Do I smell a hangover? The best excuse I faced was when one certain guy who I wont name ignored all our emails for 2 weeks and then on presentation day emailed our lecturer claiming he has a suspected broken ankle. Nothing says 'suspected broken ankle' like bumping into them after the presentation on your walk home. Awkwardness and stupidity come to mind...

  • Contentless - Not only are you dealing with Mr Absentee but there is always little miss I'm to busy with my social life to actually do the prep reading. Therefore they hope they can blag their way through the meetings in hopes you will carry them the rest of the way. The ultimate little miss I'm to busy with my social life to do any work act is to actually copy and paste paragraphs from the prep reading and try to pass it off as their own contribution. Once again, stupidity comes to mind...

  • Public Humiliation - During group presentations in front of an entire lecture hall always guarantees public humiliation. It's just unavoidable. The worst cases for me were ,firstly, when PowerPoint decided to rearrange my slides from my laptop to the projector therefore making me look like a ditsy and clueless student and secondly, that frequent inability to talk where my mouth seizes up in fear and all that will come out of my mouth is 'flabablahflaflaflabba - BLEURGH' leading to an audience of laughter...

  • The Firing Line - Once the hell on earth process of doing your presentation is over you then have to stand in a line with your group and do the god awful act of answering questions from the audience. Most of the audience don't actually care for they see group presentations as a right of not having to do the reading and are more bothered with checking Facebook then watching you squirm in the spotlight. However there is ALWAYS one irritating student who asks a question that takes you at least 5 minutes to understand what they're asking let alone come up with a response that sounds just as intellectual whilst avoiding the glare of your lecturer who realises you just googled the entire topic and make your presentation from a wikipedia page.
All in all, group presentations are a complete disaster and I swear lecturers only set them to provide entertainment for themselves and to get out of lecturing for an hour. 

I have a group presentation in 2 weeks. Needless to say once again I face sending abusive emails to gain the attention of the absentee and to get Mr I can't be arsed to do the reading to actually read something that isn't the start of a wiki page. This time I'm considering necking a few shots of tequila before I stand in the firing line...

Wish me luck

L.Bel xoxo

p.s. If you are guilty of any of the above, I will find you.....
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