Wednesday, 4 December 2013

What University Has Taught Me...

Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!! I'm home for Christmas. I'm actually home. I never thought this day would come. I couldn't even see myself making it to the end of term. I honestly thought this term would be the death of me! I've cried, slept, ate my body weight in food, cried some more, yelled at people in the library, ate more chocolate, fallen over numerous times, poured a boiling hot kettle on my hand, spent a frightening figure on junk food, slept some more and nearly went BANG. How I managed to arrive to this point in one piece I do not know. Silver linings!

Being in my final year and slowly falling into a future of unemployment and £30,000 worth of debt I wanted to make a good summary of what university has really taught me. Yeah I can now cook, wash my own clothes and fend for myself(ish), but does that really matter? Is that really the most important thing to come away with from university? I beg to differ. Here are the true student life hacks gained from three years of living the student lifestyle:

1. Social Networking will become your best friend and your worst enemy.

2. Budgeting will always fail.
3.Yes, left over pizza for breakfast and supernoodles at 3am are really okay.
4. Relationships are a danger zone
5. Bacon is the perfect hangover cure: FACT.
6. Best before dates are a myth.
7. Running out of toilet roll is the equivalent of an apocalypse.
8. Food is more valuable than money.
9. Alcohol is more valuable than food.
10. Rail travel is your nemesis.

11. Blue tac, Super glue and Hard-As-Nails will fix a student house (Our kitchen is held together with Hard as Nails and we're doing just fine).
12. Damp and mold are just 'quirks' to your home.
13. The world is full of crazies and 9 times out of 10 you will end up living with them.
14. Your parents are actually saints and you've unappreciated them your entire life up until now.
15. University is just a three year diversion from working full time.
16. Nothing good will ever come from £1 shots.
17. The acloplops are not a myth and they will affect everyone. (Stop cringing, you know it's true).
18. Never turn down anything that is free. Even if you will never use it. It was free.
19. The library should be charging you rent instead of your landlord as you never leave.
20. You will enter university with a hate for coffee and leave with an addiction.

21. Being on a first name basis with a barman or a bouncer is definitely not a good sign.
22. 'I'm never drinking ever again' is the biggest lie told at university.
23. 'I'm going to try really hard this term and not leave anything to the last minute this time' is the second.

24. You can't live without your housemates.
25. Using someone else's food or bathroom products will be the biggest mistake of your student life.
26. If you make noise during unsociable hours say bye-bye to friendship in your house/flat.
27. Student halls will be the grossest thing you ever have to witness.
28. You will at least one point in your student life hear someone above you/below you/in another flat/in another house/in another building have sex. And yes, it will be awkward.
29. Your student house will be colder then it is outside.
30. There is a North/South divide and you need to be prepared to pledge your allegiance from day one.
31. Your overdraft is just free money.

32. Tea towels are really flammable.
33. You will consider becoming a stripper at some point in your degree in order to fund your life.

34. You start off your degree feeling like Alan Sugar and you will leave feeling like Bridget Jones.
35. You can get away with anything in student houses/flats as long as you cover it with a poster or a picture.

and last but not least - regardless of whether you went to top or a lower university, it doesn't matter, you are both going to end up coming out of university unemployed, unemployable and absolutely skint. GOOD LUCK!

L.Bel xoxo


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