Wednesday, 4 September 2013

The Confessions Of Loyalty...

Brace yourselves folks, this is a gripping post.

Okay I lied it's not really that gripping and I give you permission to leave now if you don't think you can face the commitment of reading this post. It's going to be a small(ish) rant/discussion and I deeply value your opinion on this topic so if you have something to say on the matter I would appreciate hearing it! I have been contemplating writing this post for a while but I just couldn't put it off any more

Definition: Loyal
Giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution: "he remained loyal to the government".
faithful - staunch - true - devoted - trusty - constant

Loyalty to me is a big deal. I like to think I'm a loyal person to be friends with. I always prioritise my friendships and I like to think my friends do the same. However after a while, especially over summer, I have began to find it increasingly difficult to let certain issues of disloyalty go within friendships. I often find myself feeling disappointed in friends due to there lack of commitment and effort with maintaining our friendship. Admittedly I have been busier then planned over summer so I haven't been around as much however that doesn't mean I haven't been able to get in contact with on the other end of a phone. 

I also admit that I am stubborn and if something or someone offends me, I find it hard to let go. Unfortunately I could hold a grudge until the day I die. This is when I begin to question myself on whether I'm just being too harsh. For example, if a friend makes no effort with me over a certain period of months I begin to feel irritated at their lack of care. I therefore shut off communication with them and are less likely to want to socialise with them in the future. Now I don't mean after not speaking to them for 2 months that that's the end. No it's more of a gradual long length of time. I then find it confusing that said friends can't seem to grasp why I am so annoyed/let down by them when they eventually do turn around. On my part I really should reach out and tell them why but I get so caught up in my own grudge I can't let myself do so.

Another case scenario is going out with friends in a nightclub. Even though I'm having fun I always have in the back of my head the dangers of clubbing and therefore feel slightly more protective over myself and my friends when I go out. If one friend insists on going off by themselves to the toilet or the bar I try not to let it happen as I worry. I only hope that my friends would feel the same about me. It then disappoints me if a friend goes off  for the night as not only do I feel it's irresponsible on their own safety but also careless on the safety of their friends that they leave behind. If this act is repeated over a series of time I begin to less likely want to go out with them again. It's a viscous cycle. 

I often tell myself to be the bigger person and to let it go. To get on with life and forget about it. However a little nagging feeling side (known as stubbornness) tells me to not be such a fool and stick to what I believe in. Am I being too harsh in thinking of friends being disloyal if they make less or no effort? If they act careless over our friendship? I want to hear your opinion on the matter if you have ever felt as though someone in your life has been disloyal?

L.Bel xoxo


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