Sunday, 22 September 2013

Facing the fear and showing my brave.

Well folks, it's time. There are exactly 6 days until I head back to uni for my third and final year. Quite frankly, I'm terrified.

This is the year I must complete a 10,000 word independent dissertation as well as applying for jobs/graduate schemes for after I finish my degree. So far it feels as though everything is going wrong....or it's just not going at all.

Admittedly over summer I neglected my dissertation as I was so focused on working and whenever I was free I slept, as you all know from previous catastrophic filled blog posts. Since leaving work I have slowly tried to build a collection of readings for my dissertation. This isn't going so well due to well...lets just say the internet is one big recipe for procrastination. I have been so distracted I missed an email that stated who our dissertation supervisors are. Mine has changed. Nobody told me. I'm not happy. I was assigned a supervisor before summer by request and I was thrilled as mine specializes in the area I have chosen to research. Now I'm not annoyed with my new supervisor...well quite frankly I don't even know who they are so I can't be annoyed with someone I've never met right? I'm more annoyed with my university for failing to alert me that my supervisor has changed and why. So i'm feeling a little betrayed and disappointed before I've even begun. All you people in the real world with your real world problems are probably reading this and thinking 'man up girl'. *sigh* You're right...

Now lets tackle the J word that every time someone mentions in my presence I wince slightly. Jobs. I'm aiming for a grad scheme in marketing however this is going to be so difficult to achieve due to the whole wide graduate world competing all for the same positions AND the minor problem that I do not live anywhere close to a graduate scheme so it looks like I may have to move to London...that's actually if I get accepted onto a scheme...lets not get ahead of ourselves here. I have started filling out application forms and the whole time I'm filling them out all I can think about is some super star graduate from a top university with a top degree who has the sun shining out of their ass applying for the same role. As an employer who would you rather hire? The super sun shining ass graduate or me, the hopeless walking disaster? Now I know I'm being too harsh on myself but I find it so hard to find confidence in situations like this. I'm doomed. I also don't want to disappoint my parents by graduating and not finding a job or getting onto a grad scheme. *In Freddie Mercurys Voice* UNDER PRESSURE.

Whilst I'm dealing with the above I also have a degree to do along with reading and assignments. I know I'm whining but I'm a worrier. This girls gotta worry. I'm currently sat quivering under a blanket and praying for future success. In the words of Sara Bareilles, I wanna see myself be brave.

So wish me luck bloggers on what will be the hardest year if my life so far. Obviously you will be kept up to date regularly on me not so gracefully stumbling into the adult world.


L.bel xoxo


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