Sunday, 28 July 2013

The Confessions Of Why My Life Should Be A Movie...

Wow that title makes it sound like I'm about to begin my role in a Hollywood movie. I am sorry to disappoint you as that unfortunately isn't the case. After a long few weeks having too much time to myself I have managed to over think my entire life and have come to the conclusion that I am in fact a romance book/novel. Bar the romance.

Let me paint you a picture. When an author writes a romance/rom-com/ chick flick novel or a director does the same with a movie, the story must always start off highlighting the disastrous life of the main character. That being me. For example, referring to everyone's favourite drama queen and my personal hero, Bridget Jones. Bridget Jones is a 30something single lady fighting with the every day norms of body image/health/career path and relationships. When we read about her life we learn of her daily battles and disasters. This is how a lot of romcoms go about their ways and the spooky thing is, when I read the start of these books I instantly get the feeling I'm reading about my own life or I'm looking into the future. I then came to the conclusion that someone should make a TV show or a Movie about me because I am the perfect story line. Here are a few examples in case you needed convincing.

My summer job is at a Kennels and Cattery and my role is to be a Cat Waitress or a Dog Toilet. It's a hard job and I spend the entire time getting covered head to toe in wee and poo. SO today I was doing my usual role, cleaning out the dogs and what not when I noticed an empty kennel which according to my check sheet, should have been used. I went to one of my colleagues who then asked me to show her the kennel so off I went at my usual 'work speedy' pace (I'm famed for it). However within 5 seconds of shooting off I slipped on a huge puddle of wee and fell flat on my ass in said pee. Now this wasn't one of those graceful falls, oh no, this was a 'all 4 limbs flying in the air' kind of fall. Want to know what though? I wasn't even embarrassed. How funny is that? When I fall over I don't even get embarrassed anymore as it happens so often!

Anyway, later in the afternoon after gaining 3 bruises, a lump on the side of my knee and a scary looking purple lump on my hand after trapping it in a door, I got called to come and collect a dog from reception as an owner was dropping him off for a week. I opened the door, burst out limping away to be greeted by the hottest teacher from my old college. Like seriously hot. Combine all Hugo Boss models and James Bonds together and BOOM you get my old college teacher. He was polite and engaged in conversation with me whilst I stood there burning red covered in dog poo and wishing a large dog would brake out of its kennel, bound on over and swallow me whole so I wouldn't have to endure this painfully embarrassing situation. After he left all of my colleagues proceeded to laugh at the scenarios that they had just witnessed. He lives locally to me, of all the times when I'm dressed in pretty summer wear gracefully walking around the street he has to pick the time I'm at work smelling like the wrong end of a dog.

So today is just one tiny example of all the other catastrophes I tend to endure from day to day life. Do you not think I would make a good novel/movie bar the romantic bits?!
I have many many stories like the above, they happen on a regular basis. Tell me I'd make a pretty good movie right? Unfortunately the only thing missing from my movie is the 'romance' bit. So whoever makes this thing might need to try and get around that in some way...

L.Bel xoxo

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