Wednesday, 17 July 2013

The Confessions Of A Seasonal Creature...

I mentioned in my 'Why It Sucks Being A Girl' blog post that women are seasonal creatures. I feel it is now the time to delve deeper into the mythical creatures that are women during the summer season. I for one can't wait for the winter so that all of the points below I don't have to worry about anymore.

This morning around 8am an old friend called and asked if we could do a spontaneous pub lunch. I thought why not, I have nothing better to do on this sunny day. I then realised I'd only given myself 4 hours to prepare for our said lunch. Any woman knows on a hot summers day, this time is not enough.

I began sprinting around my bedroom diving through my floordrobe desperate to find something sweet and classy, appropriate for a mid day lunch but short and breathable for the hot weather. This took me about half an hour. I finally found a playsuit I hadn't worn in a few days...judge me.

Then comes the process of applying 141248052 layers of cement/makeup so that your face looks natural yet wont melt off and turn into the joker at any temperature above 18 degrees. They don't teach this stuff in school you know, it really is an art. What makes this situation worse is if you're unfortunate to be a hay fever sufferer. I for one am and every morning like clockwork regardless of what time this is, 30 seconds after applying mascara you suddenly have a sneezing fit so bad you're slightly convinced you're going to sneeze yourself inside out. Low and be hold you look back in the mirror and there's a blotchy panda staring back at you. *Sigh* I'm sure there have been no reports of Zoo escapees recently.

The result of my morning sneezing fit

Now comes the process of taming the mane. You see a girl walking down the street on a summers day with sleek shiny hair, you stop her and you give her a round of applause and you tell her you appreciate her hair. This girl has spent 45-60 minutes this morning ironing her hair within an inch of its life. She's probably walking down the high street to the nearest beauty shop to pick up more hairspray because she used 3 cans on her head this morning along with 2 pots of wax. Humidity is a girls worst enemy. I'm still waiting for the day I get stopped on the street by a animal control, mistaking me for a lion.


Adding the final touches of accessories and BAM you're ready to go. You're getting your handbag together and your friend has texted you telling you they are nearly there. Everything is going to plan.

... And then it hits you. You haven't shaved your legs. Disaster. You have the ongoing debate in you head on whether or not you can pass your legs for subtle stubble or are you just kidding yourself, who let the gorilla out of its pen.You sprint to the bathtub, grab your razor and the shower head, defying the laws of multitasking you shear away. In the process the water has turned up humidity and your hair has expanded so far it is beyond a lions mane, your mascara has melted, oh hey Mrs Panda,  and low and behold, the Joker has arrived.


Be right back, I need to push my lunch date back another 4 hours.

L.Bel xoxo


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