Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Learning To Dance In The Rain.

This is how we heal. We turn our hurts and failures into stories. Into funny stories for the most part. And with each telling, with each the exaggeration, the line between fact and fiction becomes a little more blurred. And at some point along the way, the memory of the event itself is lost - only the memory of the story of the event remains. And when we're no longer quite sure which part of it was truth, and gone. For it has become just a story. A story which we tell friends and family. And framily. A story in which we have become the hero.
The Case of the Missing Boyfriend - Nick Alexander

Last night I read this paragraph and it instantly stuck with me. I couldn't find a more perfect way to describe how we, as human beings, deal with our failures.

I'm often described as sensitive and caring. I constantly feel the need to make sure everyone is happy and will put their needs before my own.  For example, if I invite friend on a night out with my housemates, I will spend the entire evening worrying that my friend will feel left out or uncomfortable and therefore will do everything in my power to ensure this isn't the case. My friends often joke that I would make the perfect boyfriend. A title I'm not so sure I'm keen with! Back to the point, I can definitely say I think too much. I am always worrying about my actions when around friends, family and work colleagues. I worry so much to the point that the memory I am worrying about brings feelings of shame and embarrassment. Being a typical girl, I stupidly over analyse absolutely everything.

Through this process, I will eventually bring on the defence mechanism of retelling a memory, just like the above quote. I will retell the story to my closest friends, turning myself into the joke and together we will laugh. The story will be retold and laughed about continuously until eventually the memory itself and all the pain, shame and embarrassment is washed away with it. I know within myself that I must retell the memory to seek comfort and reassurance from friends. It's sharing the load.

As a professional drama queen and walking disaster you can't even imagine the amount of times I go through this process in a week, a day even. I like to see it as  way of learning from my mistakes and it is what gives me strength each day. Now I want to hear your thoughts on this defence from ourselves, our memories and our failures. Do you agree that this really is how we deal with our mistakes?

L.Bel xoxo

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