Sunday, 28 July 2013

The Confessions Of Why My Life Should Be A Movie...

Wow that title makes it sound like I'm about to begin my role in a Hollywood movie. I am sorry to disappoint you as that unfortunately isn't the case. After a long few weeks having too much time to myself I have managed to over think my entire life and have come to the conclusion that I am in fact a romance book/novel. Bar the romance.



Let me paint you a picture. When an author writes a romance/rom-com/ chick flick novel or a director does the same with a movie, the story must always start off highlighting the disastrous life of the main character. That being me. For example, referring to everyone's favourite drama queen and my personal hero, Bridget Jones. Bridget Jones is a 30something single lady fighting with the every day norms of body image/health/career path and relationships. When we read about her life we learn of her daily battles and disasters. This is how a lot of romcoms go about their ways and the spooky thing is, when I read the start of these books I instantly get the feeling I'm reading about my own life or I'm looking into the future. I then came to the conclusion that someone should make a TV show or a Movie about me because I am the perfect story line. Here are a few examples in case you needed convincing.



My summer job is at a Kennels and Cattery and my role is to be a Cat Waitress or a Dog Toilet. It's a hard job and I spend the entire time getting covered head to toe in wee and poo. SO today I was doing my usual role, cleaning out the dogs and what not when I noticed an empty kennel which according to my check sheet, should have been used. I went to one of my colleagues who then asked me to show her the kennel so off I went at my usual 'work speedy' pace (I'm famed for it). However within 5 seconds of shooting off I slipped on a huge puddle of wee and fell flat on my ass in said pee. Now this wasn't one of those graceful falls, oh no, this was a 'all 4 limbs flying in the air' kind of fall. Want to know what though? I wasn't even embarrassed. How funny is that? When I fall over I don't even get embarrassed anymore as it happens so often!

Anyway, later in the afternoon after gaining 3 bruises, a lump on the side of my knee and a scary looking purple lump on my hand after trapping it in a door, I got called to come and collect a dog from reception as an owner was dropping him off for a week. I opened the door, burst out limping away to be greeted by the hottest teacher from my old college. Like seriously hot. Combine all Hugo Boss models and James Bonds together and BOOM you get my old college teacher. He was polite and engaged in conversation with me whilst I stood there burning red covered in dog poo and wishing a large dog would brake out of its kennel, bound on over and swallow me whole so I wouldn't have to endure this painfully embarrassing situation. After he left all of my colleagues proceeded to laugh at the scenarios that they had just witnessed. He lives locally to me, of all the times when I'm dressed in pretty summer wear gracefully walking around the street he has to pick the time I'm at work smelling like the wrong end of a dog.

So today is just one tiny example of all the other catastrophes I tend to endure from day to day life. Do you not think I would make a good novel/movie bar the romantic bits?!
I have many many stories like the above, they happen on a regular basis. Tell me I'd make a pretty good movie right? Unfortunately the only thing missing from my movie is the 'romance' bit. So whoever makes this thing might need to try and get around that in some way...

L.Bel xoxo
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Saturday, 27 July 2013

Why Wholesalers Should Replace All Supermarkets...

It's like Toys R Us...but for adults!



Today is wholesalers day. What's wholesalers day you ask? Wholesalers day is when my parents drive to our nearest wholesalers and we stock up on all sorts of fun things you can only buy at wholesalers. My nearest one happens to be Costco which I believe is an American company? God bless America! But what is so great about Costco? I hear you ask. Well, Wholesalers sell everything under the sun from fresh food to laptops to garden furniture to six foot Christmas decorations to designer clothing, all tax free or at a discounted price. It's great fun. The best bit is all the irrelevant things that you don't really need but you buy them anyway because they're there.



We normally spend 1-2 hours walking around doing the shopping. It's impossible to spend less time then that because they're so big and you get easily absorbed in all the things you don't need but you really want because you know you wont be able to get it anywhere else at such a fun price!

If you're house is anything like mine, good food doesn't stay around for long because I live with a locust bug aka a little brother who swarms in, runs around the kitchen opening every cupboard and 10 minutes later BOOM no food left. Costco saves me from such times with its super-size everything. Another reason why I love America. When you buy meat for example, you don't just get your standard 1 nights meal portion, oh no, you get enough meat to last you weeks! For example, I bought 10 chicken breasts today for £7. That may not sound exciting to you but for a student that's like winning the lottery. And for all you cake lovers out there, they do all sorts of cakes bigger then the size of your head! It's every girls dream.

Where do you put all your super-sized fun food? You put it in your super-sized trolley! Another reason why wholesalers kick supermarket butt! You can put all your amazing purchases in a trolley the size of a small car. It's just all fun and games in a wholesalers!

All of this is pretty much mind blowing goodness however I haven't even got to the best bit. At the end of your exciting shopping trip, why not retire to the wholesalers cafe where you can buy great food such as pizzas twice your body weight or a drink and hot dog combo (with free refill) for £1.50! I'd pretty much live in a wholesalers if it was possible.



You then walk out with the biggest smile on your face because of your fun day at a wholesalers. As I was leaving the lady in front said to the receipt checker 'I wanted a smaller one but they only gave me this size' to which the man replied 'Oh everything is big here ;)' yeah..wink included...

The highlight of my trip today had to be the Chanel watches however as I didn't win the lottery last night they were a little (or a hell of a lot) out of my price range. Oh well, there's always next time right?

TEAM WHOLESALERS!

L.Bel xoxo

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Wednesday, 24 July 2013

The Confessions Of How to Survive Second Year At Uni...

It's like being a freshers, yet you know stuff.

Well you made it. You survived a whole 3 terms at university. You're probably feeling like a boss right now. Thinking you're not far away from graduating and becoming the next Steve Jobs or Alan Sugar? Well my friend, you've got another two years to go yet and you're in for a real bumpy ride!

Most of you will be moving into student housing for your second year and you're probably feeling like a small child on Christmas eve. A whole house with your bestest buddies 100% parent free, lucky you! You're thinking you'll throw a house party every week and you'll earn the reputation as 'The Party House' to your mates on campus. Sorry to burst your bubble kid but second year isn't exactly that.

1. Know your damages. When you move into your student house make sure you and your housemates do a full sweep of the place. I guarantee as soon as your handed over the keys you'll notice things you didn't before...most likely because the previous tenants covered the stiletto marks in the floor with a rug or covered the hole in the wall with a 'Drinking Games' poster. Point them out to your landlord so that She/He will know it wasn't you and you don't get charged. As well as this if anything is broken make sure you get on to your landlord as soon as possible. When myself and my housemates moved in to our house we had a broken boiler, a leaky pipe, a hole in the roof, a roof full of rain water and a broken back gate. You could say the first few months of living in our house were pretty stressful.



2. Say goodbye to sexy skin tight revealing day-wear and hello to those big old grandad cardis. You're a student therefore you can't afford heating so get ready for the coldest winter you'll ever experience. It's safe to say you haven't lived the life of a student until you've sat at your desk in the middle of the day wrapped up in 5 layers of clothing, 2 blankets and a duvet and you can visibly see your breath in your bedroom. You'll also find that your house is actually colder inside then it is outside. How did that even happen?!  My housemates over the winter season thought I was suddenly becoming a tea/coffee addict yet I didn't tell them I was just using the hot drinks to stay warm. You will find yourself living in the library for as long as possible as well because it's unlimited heating.



3. Mold meet student, student meet mold. You probably got pretty acquainted with mold on your loaf of bread and other products last year in your student kitchen however you're about to face a whole new species. As you aren't using the heating as much as a normal household, you're not opening any windows in fear of making your house colder (if that is even possible) and you're creating a build up of moisture in the house due to showers, drying washing and general breathing. This all leads to a huge catalyst of condensation/damp whatever you want to call it. You'll have the traditional 'Our house is damp' argument with your landlord and your landlord will tell you to jog on over the phone. What will you do now? Here is my solution:

  • Open the windows for an hour in the morning. Yes I know it's snowing outside but you've just gotta suck it up. Stick on an extra layer of jumper over your already 4. Having the window open creates air circulation therefore removing any additional water build up.
  • Buy damp collectors. They sell for about £1 in supermarkets. Stick them in corners of your room or cupboards and watch them suck all your moisture away. Cool right? 
  • Try to up the heating a little. I know I know you can't afford it but 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening will be so beneficial for you and your house
  • Invest in mold remover. Spray it on for 10 minutes and watch the mold disappear. It's the closest experience you'll get to being Harry Potter.
  • Don't give up on your landlord. We did all of the above and still faced some minor problems therefore after persistent nagging our landlord finally had a fan installed in our landing. We haven't had a damp problem since! 
4. Not to sound like your mum but enforce a cleaning rota. Seriously. One of the most common causes of house disputes is cleaning or lack of. There will be one or two of you that love a clean and tidy home but you will eventually get sick of being the one to always take the bins out or always cleaning the living room and bathroom. If you're not getting sick of cleaning then you're most likely to be the one not doing enough. A clean environment is a much happier environment so get off your ass, pick up a brush and get sweeping.



5. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Have it for those you're living with. Got on like a house on fire in your first year right? That doesn't mean the same will occur in your house in second year. The environment is smaller and much more intense which means you're all more likely to get on each others nerves.  Little things like not playing music at 3 in the morning or not talking on your phone loudly are great as the walls and floors are thinner and you'll just piss everyone off if you do.



6. Redecorate. No I don't mean pop down to B&Q and buy some wallpaper and paint. You've just moved into a bare house probably furnished by Ikea's cheaper twin and you're asking yourself things like 'Why are all the walls so beige?'. Seriously though, is there a rule with student housing that all walls must be beige? Why pick the cleanest colour for the dirtiest members of society?! ANYWAY back to the point, you're house isn't feeling too homely right? Things like throws, cushions and even posters will go a long way in your living room. You will notice a huge difference between a boy and a girls student house (Sorry guys). A girls house will be decorated with cute pretty things hanging here and there and the air is fresh and perfumed. You visit a boys house and it's most likely to be the bare minimum with beer cans and pizza takeaway boxes everywhere and that ever so famous 'did something die in here?' smell. Oh dear. Guys, no one will judge you if you too buy some cushions and a throw for your sofas. Maybe invest in an air freshener or two....please. 



7. Don't steal. There's always one. In first year you probably experienced the milk fairy who came over night and drank your milk for shiggles and giggles. They're prone to every student kitchen. However in a student house there a less of you so it's kind of obvious who it is and well....it just makes things awkward. So if you had a bad habit of pinching milk, chocolate or anything else in your first year, slap out of it now you bad person as you're only going to end up in big trouble this time. 



8. You actually have to try hard this year. Yeah sorry guys, the laid back approach ends here. You got by first year on a whim, handing in essays 2 minutes before the deadline and attending socials more times then the amount of lectures you attended in a week. Second year counts and by now you know what you're doing. Yes it's harder but you can do it. Show the world what you're made of this time, who knows, maybe you are the next Alan Sugar.

9. Get involved. They say second year is the year for volunteering and other similar activities. Do it. You have so much free time and you will become much more appealing to employers when you're applying for interns and graduate jobs. I did things like building bird houses for local community gardens and teaching drama to kids in school. Do I sound preachy? Good. It'll be me and others a lot like me who you'll be competing against in the job market. Make sure your CV is rich with activities, you'll stand out more. 

10. Have fun! Just because you're a second year doesn't mean you can't still live the fresher lifestyle. Just make sure you're not letting your work slip. And if you're going to host house parties be prepared for dealing with the worlds worst hangovers and a very messy,sticky smelly house the next day. We eventually gave up on the house parties after the second term as cleaning up was just as painful as the hangover itself. 



11. Sorry to end on an odd number but I just remembered. You'll start second year the way you handled first year. Fancy dress prop in one hand and a shot of tequila in the other. The funny thing is, something evil happened over summer. Someone stole your body and replaced it with one that can't handle alcohol like it used to. Over summer your body and liver had a much needed detox without you even thinking about it and as soon as you returned for second year your body took a stand and fought back. So be careful, I got too overly acquainted with my toilet the morning after, this year...much more then I used too anyway.... You're getting old folks! 

If you're a student or you're hoping to attend uni in September and have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! If I can do it then you most certainly can!

L.Bel xoxo


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Monday, 22 July 2013

The Confessions Of What We All Do Behind Closed Doors...

We all do things we don't want others to know about. The kind of things that make you think 'Jeez if anyone else found out I did this they'd think I was so weird!'. Well I thought I'd do what no man has ever done before and admit them to the world. If you can relate to these dirty deeds then I want to hear it!

Right well I'll start with the easiest one. I'm Laura, I'm 20 and I still sleep with a teddy bear. I can feel the judgement already. I can't sleep without my bear. I thought it was something I'd grow out of...so did my parents. Yet here I am today, still holding on tightly to my bear. It's a security thing, I feel safe from the monsters under my bed if I have my bear. When I went to uni I was worried what my flatmates would think of me but luckily for me one of my flatmates and now bestie also had the same fear for she too still sleeps with her bears. It turned out to be more common then you think. So all you bear huggers out their, you're not alone!
My childhood bear 'Sophie' and Dumbo

Whoa you're still reading my blog even after you found out the teddy bear fact? Didn't think you'd get this far...guess I better confess some more things...

One of my favourite past times when I'm home alone is to throw a one man gig. This normally consists of my current favourite singer/band/song blasting out of my speakers whilst I dance in front of my mirror with a hairspray can. I sometimes go as far as to wear heels (mostly for when Beyonce is playing). But beware folks, ALWAYS make sure you will know when someone is returning home as it can be rather embarrassing when your housemate walks in and your acting out Britney Spears 'Hit Me Baby One More Time'.
I sent this on snapchat to all my friends. I know you thought it was Beyonce, sorry to disappoint, it's just me.
This leads to my third 'Behind closed doors' confession. Let's be honest here, we all hope some important person spots our talent and whisks us away to stardom. Whether it be singing, dancing, playing the guitar or football. You're kicking your ball around the garden and you hope the England captain happens to be in your neighborhood, sees your fancy footwork and insists you become captain of the team immediately. I personally like to imagine Simon Cowell hearing me sing in the shower, demand that I be signed up at once and put me straight on a world tour. I can dream right?

At number four we have 'Bare it all'. Don't deny it, we've all stripped down to our underwear and slobbed out on the sofa. I'll let you know a little secret...girls only wear bras in public. The rest of the time we strut around the house enjoying freedom. That is until we have to run up or down the stairs. Not even boobs can defy the laws of gravity. 

Last but not least, as we're all big internet fans we like to tell our friends and family we spend time reading intellectual sites and articles, sitting on Facebook catching up with old friends and keeping up to date with events around the world through Twitter. What we don't admit to the world is that we actually spent most of the time on the internet on silly cat and meme themed websites like '9gag', 'Catroulette' (you can thank me later, 'Buzzfeed' and so on. No one wants to admit they spend their days laughing at funny cat videos and relating to silly memes. Therefore we remain closeted with our cyber skeletons. 



Go on, admit to me those secrets you do behind closed doors. I wont tell anyone ;)




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The Confession Of How To Deal With Those Monday Blues...

I think we can all agree, Mondays are a real pain in the ass.



I didn't get a weekend at all for I worked solidly and when I wasn't working I was nursing my injuries and sleeping. I woke up this Monday morning worse for wear. I'm covered head to toe in scratches and canine teeth shaped bruises..oh and don't forget the giant Bullmastiff that shut my arm in a door. My love for dogs is getting strongly tested. I am extremely sore,stiff and tired. I was having my own pity party for the first few hours of Monday morning. I couldn't find an outfit that I wanted to wear today therefore I sat on my bedroom floor in my bra crying...yeaah I'm a girl, that justifies it. I couldn't be bothered to shave both of my legs in the shower so I only did one. I walked to my local  pet shop wearing shoes that completely clashed with my skirt and on my way home when I accidentally bumped into a smoking hot guy and I couldn't care less that I was standing there looking more like a half shaved crazy cat lady then a respectable member of society.

That was the final straw I thought to myself. I'm not sitting around all day feeling sorry for myself because I'm tired and my current situation isn't brilliant. It's time to turn that frown upside down and if any of you out there are feeling those Monday blues in the office, listen up, we're going to get through this together!

Step 1. Make an awesome Monday playlist. The rule of step one is it has to be as upbeat and as cheesy as possible. Need inspiration?

WAIT. 
Before you proceed, please press play on the following YouTube video and then continue. 


Mine consists of

  • Living On A Prayer - Bon Jovi
  • I Want It All - Queen
  • Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N Roses
  • Oops I Did It Again - Britney Spears
  • Hit Me Baby One More Time - Britney Spears
  • Fighter - Christina Aguilera 
  • Walk This Way - Aerosmith feat. Run DMC
  • You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
  • Jump - Van Halen
  • Here I Go Again - Whitesnake
  • Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd 
  • Crazy Crazy Nights - Kiss
  • Don't Stop Believin' - Journey (had to be done)
Step 2. Listen to said playlist ALL DAY. That isn't a suggestion. DO IT NOW. When you're on the tube/subway/bus/car to work, when you're eating your lunch, when you're walking around, when you're walking your dog (me and my dog were strutting it Freddy Mercury style this morning when I was listening to my playlist). When ever you get the chance I wanna see you listening to that playlist! Whip out those air guitars and get playing! Hell, crank it up and get the whole office listening!


Here's one I did earlier


Step 3. Treat yourself. Go on, it's Monday, you deserve that extra chocolate bar at lunch or a trip to your favorite shop on the way home from work.

Step 4. Make plans for Friday evening. Whether that be drinks and a meal with friends or a takeaway by yourself in front of the TV. Then you have something good to look forward to and get you through the week. 

Step 5. Know that you are awesome. You, yes you. You got your ass out of bed at 6 this morning, if you can get through waking up on a Monday morning you can do anything. Repeat this sentence after me 'I got through last Monday, I can get through this Monday. I am Legen...wait for it.....DARY!' Look at you go you awesome hard worker. 

All together now 'WHOOOAH WE'RE HALF WAY THERE, WHOOOOAH LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!'

Happy Monday folks! 

The pet shop bag I received today


L.Bel xoxo
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Saturday, 20 July 2013

The Confessions Of Death By Summer Work...

It sucks. Not much more needs to be said. But I'll drag it out in a blog post.

I've just completed a full day in my summer job at a kennels and cattery. My role is pretty much feeding grooming, walking and cleaning out. My shifts are 8-5 but it feels like 6-6 because my day starts at 6am, I have to walk a long way to get there and back so I don't reach home until 6pm. ANYWAYS, I moan to people about how hard it is and I am bombarded with comments like 'Ergh, I know you feel' (No you don't.) and 'Bet you've never worked so hard in your life 'ey'...erm...you haven't either. Seriously, let me talk you through life as a Dog waitress.



So my day beginnings cleaning out every single kennel. Easy, you just have a mop right? NO. Sit down and listen. I have to scoop about 30-40 pieces of wee and poo covered bits of newspaper from each kennel, 'wee check' the bed and then lay down another 30-40 pieces of ready-to-be-weed-on newspaper. You wanna know what the worst bit is? Knowing in 24 hours you'll be scooping up the same piece of paper because it got pooped on.

I then have to do the scoop and mop. I wont go into the gory details but the name says it all really. Lets just say, If I never see poo again, it'll still be too son.

Next is what I like to call 'Feeding time at the Zoo'. Basically we whip up bowls of dog food and feed all the animals. Easy right? Wrong. Every single dog eats something different and as dog owners know, different breeds/sizes/aged dogs require different food. This kennel can take over 100 dogs. Yeah you do the math of how long and complicated this process is.

Dog walking takes place after lunch. I dread dog walking, I really do. As a dog owner I enjoy walking my dog every day. At least I did until I got my summer job. Now I just like to sit in dark rooms rocking back and forth.... anyway, So we have say 50 dogs in the kennels and each owner requests their dog receives daily walks. You don't know pain until you've walked this many dogs around the same field in a level 3 heat wave.

Once the dog walking is complete (This takes a VERY long time), it's the final scoops and mops and tea time. I'm lucky I finish on time and I've not been chewed up by a feisty Labrador.

Oh and say goodbye to personal hygiene. If you end your day at the kennels not covered in dog wee,poo and slobber then you're doing your job wrong. You kind of get to the point that when a dog poops on you...you just go with it. Yes folks, I have walked around half of today with dog poo SMEARED up my leg without a care in the world. Did I mention the new work experience guy who could probably model for someone like Hugo Boss arrived today and I have never met him before? Think of Ugly Betty but covered in dog poo. That is was what I looked like today when the humidity hit and the dog poo went flying. I'm sure I've left a lovely image in his mind.

In the midst of all this is getting in and out of kennels and changing dogs around. You don't know hard word until you've wrestled with a Rottweiler that refused to go in its kennel. I'm not even exaggerating, I wrestled with 'Rocco' the Rottweiler in the midst of his wee and poo because doing as he's told just isn't an option.





The people who work there full time seriously deserve to be paid a million pounds an hour unlike my crap minimum wage.

I can't wait to do it all over again tomorrow and for the rest of my summer...not.

A very tired and smelly L.Bel xoxo
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Friday, 19 July 2013

Confession: If you're not blogging on glipho, you're doing it wrong.

Well hello there fellow bloggers. I've got a secret that I want to share with you. It's about to change your blogging life for the better and it comes by the name of glipho.

I did a review of glipho after my first week of using it, which you can view here. I was pretty enthusiastic and felt I'd discovered something amazing. 3 months on and I'm still riding that enthusiasm! As much as I'd like to keep glipho all to myself I also want to see glipho reach its full potential with hundreds of thousands of users!



Am I still not convincing you? Okay, sit down and fasten your seatbelts. Here are my top reasons why glipho is every bloggers dream fantasy.

1. The most important reason of all: The exposure to your blogging is like no other. Seriously. It may surprise you to know I am quite shy when it comes to anything like expressing opinions and secret talents to the world. Normally because whenever I do I tend to embarass myself. Anyways, I wouldn't call myself a brilliant blogger nor writer, I just really enjoy attempting to make people laugh with my every day calamities. Over the past 3 months, glipho has built up my blogging confidence by exposing my writing to a friendly blogging community and providing me with the results. You can watch your views go up by the minute, see yourself trend worldwide among really interesting and genuinely great bloggers and as the glipho community are so nice, you will get a great response from users.

2. Human beings are creatures of habit, therefore glipho takes you as you are. You've spent months making your blog look pretty and attractive, why should you move to a new blogging site and start over again? You shouldn't. One of gliphos greatest features is the ability to import all of your blogging history as you go from blogger, tumblr and wordpress. For example, this blog post you are currently reading was written on blogger. I then imported it to glipho with a click of a button. Perfect. You write your blog, you publish your blog and then you watch glipho make you a blogging star.



3. Everyone on glipho is lovely. Not a lot really needs to be said on this matter for you will see yourself as soon as you begin blogging. Glipho prides itself on making blogging sociable. Something I think is vital to a blogger. You can sit on blogger, post your thoughts and not really feel like it is going anywhere. Posting to glipho is like posting to your facebook friends. It will be read, liked and commented on. I love hearing feedback on my posts, it really makes me happy to know I'm making someone out there smile. Ergh, pass the sick bucket after that sentence. Glipho also enables you to link up all your social networking sites from Twitter to Instagram to LinkedIn. Social networking at its best.

4. Content is Key. Glipho is used by thousands of happy bloggers and there are some really good writers out there. From fashion and beauty to well being and politics. It's all there for you to access with ease. You may read the paper in the morning but I sit in bed with a brew reading my glipho news feed and trending writers. Such fun!

Last but not least

5. The glipho team. I feel like a member of the glipho team fan club. I really love how involved they are in the blogging community. You don't feel like you're writing on a website owned by some huge cooperate business working in offices in a galaxy far far away. That's how I feel when I blog on blogger. The glipho team are engaged as much as you are. Always sharing and commenting and genuinely making you feel welcome. They are extremely helpful as well if you're a walking disaster like me and have a habit of breaking technology. I broke my glipho page for 24 hours and the glipho team were instantly by my side talking me through how to fix it. Any questions whether it's blogging related or not, they are always on hand to answer.



If my 5 reasons haven't convinced you then go and look for yourself at www.glipho.com or check out my glipho profile here http://glipho.com/lbeldreamer

I hope to see you on glipho soon, go on, I dare you.

Happy blogging

L.Bel xoxo


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Thursday, 18 July 2013

The Confessions Of The Drama Queen Who Just Wants A Pint...

Confession: I love Beer. There,I said it.



Why is it completely unacceptable for me to order and drink a pint of beer in public? Or to just drink beer in general? As a beer drinking family I've never really known any different. To be honest, when I was a little girl I was obsessed with having a sip of my dads pint every weekend....maybe this is why I'm absolutely barking mad these days...anyway.... It wasn't until I was of the legal age of 18 when I really began getting stick off snooty bar men for ordering a pint. Why can't I order a pint? Just because I walk around in six inch heels and a love for leather handbags doesn't mean I don't enjoy a lovely ice cold pint on a hot summers evening.



Scenerio 1: March 2011 at a local community club. I was attending my friends 18th birthday party. I walked over to the bar and ordered a pint of stella. The bar man laughed and went 'Is this for you?' to which I replied with 'Well yes, is there a problem?' and he went off to make me my pint. He returned with the glass, I paid my money and reached for my drink yet to my horror the bar man placed a bright pink straw into the glass. 'Erm, I didn't ask for a straw...' Mr Barman 'Yes I know love but I thought it might make it more girly' Oh did he really just go there?!

Scenario 2: July 2011 at my favourite nightclub in town. Me and some friends were having a girly night out in which we managed to merge with a group of Australians traveling around the UK for summer. I managed to be swooped away by one particular aussie who I spent most of the night dancing and laughing with. He was kind, handsome and funny. Could this be true love for the drama queen? Is my Disney princess fairy tale about to come true?Snap out of it Laura, of course it's too good to be true. He proceeded to ask what would I like to drink in which I replied with 'Oh a bottle of corona would be lovely thank you.' It was all down hill from there. He proceeded to laugh, rub my tummy and tell me girls can't drink beer as they will get beer bellys so what did I really want to drink? *Sigh*  That was the last I saw of him.



Scenario 3: July 2013 at an Italian restaurant. I was invited out to a meal with my old work team. We stayed late for drinks. The waiter took the drinks requests and returned to the bar. 10 minutes later he returns and slowly passes around the drinks. To my dismay I suddenly hear 'Who on earth has ordered a beer?!'. Burning bright red I raise my hand and own up to claim my drink. Luckily the lights were dimmed so you couldn't see the glow of my face. My old colleagues suddenly flood me with questions of 'How can you drink beer?!' or 'Is this a uni thing? Is this what students drink these days?'. Here I am again, fighting from my beer corner.

These three scenarios are just a minor example of the beer discrimination one faces in every pub and bar across the land. Can't a drama queen just drink her beer in peace? The next person to sass me over drinking beer is going to end up wearing it.



Points go to the reader who can give me the best 'As if this beer is for you' comeback!

Cheers!

L.Bel xoxo
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Wednesday, 17 July 2013

The Confessions Of A Seasonal Creature...

I mentioned in my 'Why It Sucks Being A Girl' blog post that women are seasonal creatures. I feel it is now the time to delve deeper into the mythical creatures that are women during the summer season. I for one can't wait for the winter so that all of the points below I don't have to worry about anymore.

This morning around 8am an old friend called and asked if we could do a spontaneous pub lunch. I thought why not, I have nothing better to do on this sunny day. I then realised I'd only given myself 4 hours to prepare for our said lunch. Any woman knows on a hot summers day, this time is not enough.

I began sprinting around my bedroom diving through my floordrobe desperate to find something sweet and classy, appropriate for a mid day lunch but short and breathable for the hot weather. This took me about half an hour. I finally found a playsuit I hadn't worn in a few days...judge me.



Then comes the process of applying 141248052 layers of cement/makeup so that your face looks natural yet wont melt off and turn into the joker at any temperature above 18 degrees. They don't teach this stuff in school you know, it really is an art. What makes this situation worse is if you're unfortunate to be a hay fever sufferer. I for one am and every morning like clockwork regardless of what time this is, 30 seconds after applying mascara you suddenly have a sneezing fit so bad you're slightly convinced you're going to sneeze yourself inside out. Low and be hold you look back in the mirror and there's a blotchy panda staring back at you. *Sigh* I'm sure there have been no reports of Zoo escapees recently.


The result of my morning sneezing fit


Now comes the process of taming the mane. You see a girl walking down the street on a summers day with sleek shiny hair, you stop her and you give her a round of applause and you tell her you appreciate her hair. This girl has spent 45-60 minutes this morning ironing her hair within an inch of its life. She's probably walking down the high street to the nearest beauty shop to pick up more hairspray because she used 3 cans on her head this morning along with 2 pots of wax. Humidity is a girls worst enemy. I'm still waiting for the day I get stopped on the street by a animal control, mistaking me for a lion.

Meow



Adding the final touches of accessories and BAM you're ready to go. You're getting your handbag together and your friend has texted you telling you they are nearly there. Everything is going to plan.

... And then it hits you. You haven't shaved your legs. Disaster. You have the ongoing debate in you head on whether or not you can pass your legs for subtle stubble or are you just kidding yourself, who let the gorilla out of its pen.You sprint to the bathtub, grab your razor and the shower head, defying the laws of multitasking you shear away. In the process the water has turned up humidity and your hair has expanded so far it is beyond a lions mane, your mascara has melted, oh hey Mrs Panda,  and low and behold, the Joker has arrived.

Sigh

Be right back, I need to push my lunch date back another 4 hours.



L.Bel xoxo


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Monday, 15 July 2013

The Confessions Of Internet Etiquette...

The internet has to be one of my most favourite pieces of technology today. What can't you do with the internet? You can always be in the know with what's happening everywhere in the world, purchase pretty much anything, watch cute and funny cat videos, self diagnose yourself with Google, tell the whole world what you had for tea and so on. However there a few little rules or 'etiquette' I feel people need to abide by when going about with their virtual habits.



Internet Trolls. Nobody likes an internet troll. What is an internet troll you may ask? An internet troll is someone who goes around intentionally offending and causing arguments to anyone and everyone. They also go under the terms of keyboard warrior and supernerd who lives in their mums basement. You catch my drift? Internet trolling is often highlighted in the media these days because someone has gone and upset a celebrity over twitter. If you wouldn't say it to someones face then why say it over the internet? I'll admit a couple of months ago I did sink to the level of an internet troll in regards to British rapper Example who after cancelling a performance on a British university went on to insult a students over twitter. I may or may not have called him an unprofessional douchebag to which he did respond. I'm not proud of my internet trolling and is something I would not repeat. But I also don't take lightly to being insulted for going out and getting an education. Anyways, internet trolls aren't cool so if you ever come across one, don't respond. And if you troll then please remove yourself from your social networks, laptop, your mums basement and go and get some fresh air.



Ebay. What's not to love? Ebay to a student is Toys R Us to a child. One moment you're looking for a suitable laptop case and then two hours later you are now the owner of a new leather handbag, some quirky jewelry and a little gadget you're not too sure what it does but it was £4 and it looked funky. What can't you buy on eBay?! I'm on the hunt for a new camera as I'm heading to New York in a few weeks and I want to take good quality photos. I figured I'd try to snag a deal on eBay and at first I thought I was going to succeed. A new camera worth £250 on ebay for £50?! All I'd have to do is wait a few days for the auction to close and swoop on in. However this is not possible due to what I like to call bargain butchers. Why bid on an item 5 days before it is due to end therefore increasing the price? Why not wait until the last 30 minutes when the camera would still be £50 if it weren't for you and the rest of the bargain butchers gang having a bidding war days before it is not needed? Have you ever thought you're just making it more expensive for yourself? If I had £1 for every designer handbag I have lost to bargain butchers increasing the price past my budget days before the item is due to end would actually able to me to buy a designer handbag at full price from the original store. Lets stop butchering eBay bargains and wait for the end of the auctions yes?



Facebook is not a dating sight. Whatever happened to good old fashioned romantic gestures in real life? I got a friend request this morning from someone I had 2 mutual friends with. I accepted thinking maybe this was someone I may know from high school. Boy I was wrong. They proceeded to invite me to a 'BBQ' and then popped up on facebook chat saying and I quote 'Got my invite doll?'. Oh aren't I a lucky girl. Seriously? Your hitting on a girl you don't know over a social networking site? According to my mum and most Hollywood movies (I'm still convinced this is a myth) guys at one point in life would ask for girls phone numbers in a public place and offered to take them on a romantic date. I don't think I have ever seen or heard of such chivalry. Maybe in years to come, traditional events such as proposals and marriages will happen over Facebook too.....I fear for us all....



Text talk - it will never be fetch. I'll own up, I did at one point use text talk when I was about 12, I'd got my first mobile phone, you know the kind, the big indestructible Nokia that you only had to charge once a month. These were the days of credit, when a text would cost you about 10p so you would have to shorten every thing to something like this

Hi, hwz u? Wuu2? c ya l8r x
You can practically hear Shakespeare turning in his grave. So I have slight understanding for text talk on a phone...if you're using credit. If you're on contract and you get something like unlimited texts, you have no excuse. Same goes to social networking. It makes my skin crawl scrolling down my Facebook news feed and seeing text talk on status's. What did the dictionary ever do to you?!



Please consider these very valuable points next time you're about to make an internet error.

L.Bel xoxo

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Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Learning To Dance In The Rain.

This is how we heal. We turn our hurts and failures into stories. Into funny stories for the most part. And with each telling, with each the exaggeration, the line between fact and fiction becomes a little more blurred. And at some point along the way, the memory of the event itself is lost - only the memory of the story of the event remains. And when we're no longer quite sure which part of it was truth, and gone. For it has become just a story. A story which we tell friends and family. And framily. A story in which we have become the hero.
The Case of the Missing Boyfriend - Nick Alexander

Last night I read this paragraph and it instantly stuck with me. I couldn't find a more perfect way to describe how we, as human beings, deal with our failures.

I'm often described as sensitive and caring. I constantly feel the need to make sure everyone is happy and will put their needs before my own.  For example, if I invite friend on a night out with my housemates, I will spend the entire evening worrying that my friend will feel left out or uncomfortable and therefore will do everything in my power to ensure this isn't the case. My friends often joke that I would make the perfect boyfriend. A title I'm not so sure I'm keen with! Back to the point, I can definitely say I think too much. I am always worrying about my actions when around friends, family and work colleagues. I worry so much to the point that the memory I am worrying about brings feelings of shame and embarrassment. Being a typical girl, I stupidly over analyse absolutely everything.

Through this process, I will eventually bring on the defence mechanism of retelling a memory, just like the above quote. I will retell the story to my closest friends, turning myself into the joke and together we will laugh. The story will be retold and laughed about continuously until eventually the memory itself and all the pain, shame and embarrassment is washed away with it. I know within myself that I must retell the memory to seek comfort and reassurance from friends. It's sharing the load.



As a professional drama queen and walking disaster you can't even imagine the amount of times I go through this process in a week, a day even. I like to see it as  way of learning from my mistakes and it is what gives me strength each day. Now I want to hear your thoughts on this defence from ourselves, our memories and our failures. Do you agree that this really is how we deal with our mistakes?

L.Bel xoxo
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Tuesday, 9 July 2013

The Confessions Of Why It Sucks Being A Girl...Besides The Obvious.

Okay there are the obvious reasons why it sucks being a girl that are made clear to the world and then there are the other reasons that I feel need to be highlighted to the universe because quite frankly, I'm tired.



Reason 1. It's expensive. Handbags, shoes, make up, new outfits, toiletries, you name it. Now I know you'll reply with 'But you don't need all that stuff!' Or 'No one is forcing you to wear make up!' That's like saying 'You don't need to wear clothes in public!' Of course we need that stuff! That stuff is what make us feel good and happy, ready to take on the world one Bridget Jones moment after another! 

Reason 2. We have to wear bras. Now I realise I sound like a huge feminist but its not what you think. We make out we love wearing bras because of all the pretty lace and silk and it makes us feel sexy but we're just leading you on. 90% of the time we stick to the same old ugly bra because it's comfortable. But that 'comfort' flies out the window on week's like this when Britain gets its one week of summer and wearing a bra under 28°c becomes a form of torture that not even Christian Grey would inflict in his red room of pain (the heat and restriction of my bra has lowered me to cheap jokes).



Reason 3. We have to endure the 'lad' culture. The lad culture is a recent and unfortunate craze that has hit younger generations of the opposite sex and removed any brain cells of decency in the process. It mostly tends to happen in the university environment or the watering hole aka a pub/bar. These were once attended by chivalrous men. Such chivalry has now reversed into the ways of the cavemen. For example I went to a gathering at a  friends on Friday night attended by all my friends who I mostly hadn't seen since Christmas. One of my so called guy friends has unfortunately caught the 'lad' disease and continued to demean me and my best friend every time we aired our opinions instead of sitting there quietly like the rest of our girl friends. Victims of lad disease tend to wear t-shirts a size too small as to highlight their 'lad' figure, spend more time in the mirror in the morning then most women do and genuinely believe every female within 10 meters of them wants to be with them. If you experience the unpleasant company of a 'lad' just tell them to put their claws away and offer them a tampon with their attitude. It normally manages to shut them up and deter any further demeaning behaviour. 

Reason 4. We are really seasonal creatures. Now we make out we are all about summer for the floaty dresses, pretty bikinis and cocktails by the beach in the sun. This is all a lie women tell themselves to justify and cover the horrors of summer preparation. We nearly kill ourselves with 6 months of dieting for 1 week in a bikini, go on a quest to find a flattering bikini, so far and wide it makes frodos journey to destroy the ring look like a walk in a park and lastly, I won't even get started on the leg shaving and waxing. We prefer winter because we can hide behind cute and cosey knitwear as well a getting away without shaving our our legs for 3 months. Hurry up autumn!



Reason 5. We have to live with the guilt of making men feel bad. We moan and cry about how hard women get it and then we have a moodswing there and a moodswing here whilst you run around trying to make us feel better, all to which we feel guilty about later. It's ever so tiring!



Gosh I'm exhausted just from writing this blog post. Excuse me whilst I remove my bra, get into my pyjamas and watch Bridget Jones.

L.Bel xoxo

P.s. AND we get scrutinised for ordering a pint of beer in public! What the hell is that about?!


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Saturday, 6 July 2013

The Confessions Of How To Survive Freshers Week...

Off to university in September or know a friend or relative who is? Here's your guide on how to survive those first few weeks!

 Imagining yourself in your element at each bar crawl and freshers event decked head to toe in fancy dress? Waking up each day with a traffic cone as your bed buddy and slices of pizza stuck to the floor? Well I'm going to share with the real truths and how to survive. University will be some of the best years of your life. You will do the craziest things, make the funniest memories and meet people who you know you will be friends with for life. However it will also involve the hardest days of your life, dealing with deadline pressures, far away from home and mixing with people you wouldn't before. Without sounding like an X Factor promo, it's an emotional rollercoaster. Yeah I just cringed at writing that just as much as you did reading it.



So here are my top tips on surviving your first term:

Tip 1- Always over compensate on everything you bring to uni. Especially on kitchen utensils. You may not know what to do with a pie dish or why your parents are insisting on having 3 different types of kitchen knives but I guarantee there will be a day when you really need it. Before I left for uni my manager mocked me for buying a casserole dish. She said 'PFFT why would a student need a casserole dish?!'. It turned out to be one of my most used dishes in first year. So hah. I showed you.

Tip 2- Learn to cook as least one proper meal. And no, frozen chips and chicken dippers don't count. You won't realise how much mum has spoiled you with her home cooking until you move to uni. I guarantee that a proper home cooked meal mid freshers week will make you feel so much better when you are on your third day of binge drinking and quite frankly, you don't think you're going to survive to the end of the week due to your body's new ability to run solely on alcohol and pizza takeaways.



Tip 3- Buy 'Nosh For Students - Joy May.' The amount of student cook books you will be given by relatives and friends will be enough to stock Waterstones. However you will find them completely unrealistic in their expectations of a student kitchen. I mean, who the hell brings scales to university?! Nosh For Students became mine and my housemates bible, using a mug as a form of measurement and making it easy to create the most complicated meals. By the time you're home for Christmas you'll have gained the ability to make anything from currys to roast dinners. You'd be stupid not to invest.

Tip 4- It's okay to admit you're homesick. If it makes you feel any better, me and my flatmate (who I'd only known for 48 hours) spent the second night of freshers week crying in a club toilet together because we were both homesick. Homesickness can hit you at anytime during university. I still get it and I'm heading into my final year. Don't be afraid  to admit it and even have a little cry as its guaranteed your friends and flatmates are feeling exactly the same.

Tip 5- Pace yourself on the drinking. Seriously. I know it's the done thing on freshers week to go mental because it's your first taste of freedom without parental control but if you over do it on your first night you could ruin the fun for the rest of the week. I was so drunk on my first night I fell up a hill (Memory 546,433 of times Laura has humiliated herself in public.) and was sent home to bed by 12. Disaster. Water will become your new best friend.

Tip-6 The most important tip of all, always be yourself. Sounds cliche right? However you will be thrown in with a mix of personalities, some a lot more dominating then others. Some people will be use to the crazy lifestyle whereas others will have never experienced a night out before. Don't try to compete on the drinking/party side or make out you're something that you're not. Everyone will see right through you and in the end you'll only end up upsetting yourself. Be honest and down to earth and just remember to have fun!

If you want  to hear more tips don't hesitate to ask an  maybe I will do more posts on student survival!

Good luck!

L.Bel xoxo


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Thursday, 4 July 2013

The Single Life Confession...

First of all, I'm typing from my Kindle fire so be warned of the dreaded autocorrect!

Now, I can tell what you're thinking, just another single girl rant about how much the opposite sex suck and so on. Well you're wrong. THIS post is about defending the single people of the world against the couple snobbery that we are oppressed by every single day.



Starting with Facebook. Now am I correct in saying mobile phones were invented before Facebook? Yes, yes I am. Therefore when you insist on writing sloppy PDA messages on your other halves Facebook wall, please be aware that all the single people of the world are wishing your internet connection would just die. I'm making that wild assumption that if you have Facebook then you own a mobile phone and therefore could you not save the world the endurance of your cyber PDA's by keeping it private?! Maybe, and this is just a suggestion, send a …oh what's it called…oh yes, a text? Steady yourselves there, take it slow. I know it's hard to physically do something without informing the rest of the social networking world. But as a single girl, I believe in you! You can do this!



Secondly, this one goes out to all the parents in the world. Never is it ever acceptable to make a comment or so much as make a passing comment about your child's single status. Barely a day goes by when my mum or dad can't help but make some comment about that fact that I'm not currently dating, in a steady relationship, engaged, married or expecting. I'm 20 for christs sake, I have my whole life ahead of me, I'm way too young to be committing myself so deeply. I may or may not still sleep with my childhood bear and a stuffed disney character, does that sound like an age of engagement?! So leave your kids alone, the more you pester them the more your crush their self esteem!

Lastly, your friend is single? So what. Leave him/her alone. They don't need you making patronising comments such as 'oh well when you start dating' or 'we'll take you out and find you someone soon'. You might as well be saying 'We'll stick you on eBay and get you going for a good bargain'. Seriously folks, let the single people live in peace.

If you're guilty of any of the above points, go and feel very bad about your actions. Did it ever  occur to you that maybe they like being in th  position they are right now?!

Oh, and please don't judge me on the teddy bear fact. I'm already kicking myself for my apparent no-boundary-exists-on-the-internet-for-laura honesty...

L.Bel xoxo


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