Sunday, 30 June 2013

The Confessions Of A Handbag Whore...

Forgive me for I have sinned....I don't have enough storage space for my shoes AND handbags.

Today I walked away from a £65 Ted Baker handbag in the clearance. For you, this means nothing. To my friends and family, this is the biggest event in history to happen since the royal wedding. Okay okay I'm lying, this is bigger then that.



My theory is, you can never have too many handbags. Ever. You wouldn't wear your pyjamas to work right? Just like you wouldn't take a little black clutch to the office. So you need more then one handbag to match every occasion/outfit. But I think I've developed a tiny tiny little problem. I'm completely obsessed with designer handbags. In fact, I feel obsessed is an understatement. There have been many occasions where my housemates have sat in my room, marveling at my collection. From one corner of the room to the other. Handbags everywhere....because there is no room in my wardrobe or anywhere else for that matter.

It's not just about ownership of a designer handbag. It's the feeling you get. When you're walking around the isles staring at the glossy leather treasures that lie before you. Your eyes slowly skim the collection and then it happens. Your heart picks up pace, your temperature rises and you get that tingle of excitement in your chest. You've found the one. You grasp it's pastel pink handles and you grip them tight, as if could easily slip away. You stroke its patent leather body. It feels so good. You run the scenario in your head, strutting down the high street, Starbucks in one hand, your new Ted Baker in the other. People glare at it in envy and you can't help but smirk. Before you realise what is happening you've found your way to the till and you're typing your digits into the card machine. The cashier hands you a paper bag, protecting your new baby. You walk away, feeling invincible. You don't think about the large dent you just caused in your already none existent bank balance. You're too busy mentally rolling around in the feeling of satisfaction.



People talk of shopping guilt. The comedown. The low after the high. I feel no such thing. I am the owner of a brand new handbag....I just can't afford to eat for the next 3 weeks. But I wanted to loose weight anyway so it's totally fine.

My friends are under strict instruction to not allow me within 10 meters of certain shops or on certain websites. I now have to hand over my card before I enter such palaces. You can practically hear my purse screaming as i do so. I'm a poor student living the lifestyle of a middle aged CEO. I actually fear for my future when I'm unleashed in New York this summer. I bet you can guess which avenue I'm heading too as soon as I arrive. NYC wont know what's hit it since Godzilla.



I can't wait for the day I have my first major job. You know what I'm gonna do with my first paycheck? Hit Selfridges like it's going out of fashion ;)

L.Bel xoxo


Share:

Friday, 28 June 2013

The Confessions Of My Dream Job...

Not a suitable career path for a future graduate yet a drama queen can dream right?

I go back to my new part time job tomorrow for the first time in almost 4 weeks. There is no doubt about it that I will have forgotten every single important detail that they told me and will most likely cock up on a grander scale. Can't wait.

As much as I am looking forward to my summer career as a cat waitress/dog toilet. I can't help but dream of alternative roles I'd rather have. So here are my top 5. If anyone wants to employ me in these roles, you know where to find me. 

1. 80s Rockstar/90s Popstar. I'll let you pick. I'm all for an 80s revival. Preferably with the big hair, glam outfits and face melting guitar solos. I heard people are looking for a Guns N Roses reunion. If Axl Rose wont step up to the mark, I'm here for you guys.

OR

Bring back the 90s cheesy pop. I'd love to be classic Britney or a member of S Club 7. Once again, I'll let my employer decide and go from there. (I do a beautiful rendition of Oops I did it again).


2. A Meme. Yep, I want someone to turn me into a meme. And then every time my meme is used in a blog, tweet, facebook post and so on, I get commission. Easiest job in the world right?




3. CEO of a major social network. I'm waiting for Mark Zuckerberg (founder of Facebook) or Jack Dorsey (founder of Twitter) to ask me to take over any day now. They are just so busy they haven't had chance to make the call yet. It's okay boys, I've got all the time in the world. I'm always being told I could social network in my sleep. In fact, during college my friends nicknamed me 'Queen of Twitter'. 26,000 tweets is impressive right? (see @laurabelsh13)

4. Professional Slob. My housemates are often treated to the sight of me slobbing out in my pyjamas. I love pyjamas. Don't you love pyjamas? I'm pretty sure my soul purpose in life was to sport pyjamas. One day I went to my university library and local supermarket in pyjamas. Team pyjamas. I could model them everywhere I go for companies world wide. Any takers? Topshop? Gucci? Prada? .... wait...do Gucci make pyjamas?!




5. A Professional Drama Queen. That basically means can somebody just pay me to be me? I take cheque, credit card or direct debit. Simples.

L.Bel xoxo

Share:

Monday, 24 June 2013

The Confessions Of How Awkward I Am At Emailing...

So here I am, trying to be all productive and start some academic work. BOOM I'm back on blogging. I blame glipho. Glipho you so addictive yet so good.

I was just about to start preparation for a meeting I have with my dissertation supervisor tomorrow (Yes my early summer holiday plan completely fell flat on its face) when I realized I needed to specify what time I would be popping in. Then comes the great hurdle of the email.



You'd think as this form of communication doesn't involve talking face to face I'd be much more calm and cool. No. No not at all. Instead, all functioning thoughts go out of my head and my email comes out something like a military message. It's not the email itself that I have issues with, it's the person I'm emailing.

For example,

If I email a friend or family member, there are no social ideals of what this email should be like. So I can write whatever I like, maybe even add a silly emoticon here and there. Simples.

As soon as it involves emailing a member of staff at my university or my employer, my wording comes out strained and quite frankly I sound like an idiot. I feel that the person receiving the email thinks that I am completely socially awkward and most definitely trying too hard. (Dear future employer, please don't read this and sack me. I'm sure I will have improved greatly since writing this...I hope). If only it was acceptable to email my lecturers with a 'Thanks :D' or a 'See you tomorrow :)'. There, you can feel the awkward tension thawing already.

What can be even more awkward and a huge blow to my already extremely plummeted self esteem is when the respondent replies with 'I don't understand' or 'What do you mean'. Normally by that point I'm repeatedly banging my head on my desk whilst booking a no return to a country on the other side of the planet to save myself from ever having to meet this person face to face.

So overall my future in the working world looks bright right?!



L.Bel xoxo



Share:

Sunday, 23 June 2013

The Confessions Of Arachnophobia...

Writing this post is really hard for me. Your kind words of support would be greatly appreciated.

I want to raise awareness and understanding of people who suffer from Arachnophobia. People such as myself. Who get laughed at for crying when there's a spider within 100 meters of me. Or get chased around a room with a spider in a jar because people think it's funny to make an unfit girl run. Or post pictures on my Facebook wall of big furry long legged fat bodied...no I can't even continue that sentence nor reread it to check if there's any spelling mistakes so please ignore and move on...

IT AIN'T NO LAUGHING MATTER.

I was going to write some big heartfelt paragraph backed up with genuine statistics of spiders but when I googled it I nearly cried because Google was all picture savvy and the statistics just made me even more scared. So instead I included in this blog lots of fun spider memes.



I have since day 1 of my life had a phobia of the little cretins and people are always going on at me telling  me to 'face my fears' and tackle it by myself. How about no.Please don't even lecture me on why spiders are a good thing. That's like telling someone with a fear of heights to jump off the Empire State building without a rope. JEEZ.


This past week has been particularly hard for me. My housemate and myself decided to tackle the amazon rain forest aka our beyond overgrown back garden in our student squalor. This involved me being a brave girl and chopping down spider infested trees and bushes. Traumatized didn't cover it.

I then had to endure the men at the dump laughing at me and my sad attempt to pour bags of spider tree into the dumpsters. I'm telling you, pouring things into a pit with your eyes closed takes skill! One of the workers even advised me to go home and get changed into a top that covered all of my skin so spiders couldn't access me. May I remind you that the current temperature was 21 degrees plus! They then proceeded to laugh and 'WEEEY' when I sat in my housemates car with a winter jacket on with the hood up to protect myself from spiders getting in my hair (duh). Safety first people.



This is just a small example of how suffering from Arachnophobia can affect you every single day. So please, don't laugh at your friend when they run out screaming and crying because they came across a beast. And whatever you do, DO NOT proceed to chase them with it. Have a little sympathy folks.

Can I just add that my first day back at home for the summer holidays and my dad has already managed to chase me around the living room with a spider in a glass. And you wonder why I malfunction in the rest of society.

This is my 'I've just seen a spider' face

L.Bel xoxo
Share:

Friday, 21 June 2013

The Confessions Behind Dreading Summer...

Today was officially my last day of term. Well...term actually finishes next Friday but I'm giving myself an early summer. SHH I wont tell my professors if you don't!

The build up to summer is actually bigger then summer itself. What I mean is, from how you're going to style your hair to what activities and adventures you are going to do, everything is planned. Right down to the last second. You have in your head this perfect scenario of you running through the waves on a beach with your bestest friends, sporting beach curls and flowing dresses.


What actually happens is all of your friends are suddenly in deep meaningful relationships and aren't to be seen for miles whilst your parents spend half the time questioning you on why you are still single and the other half on what on earth you're planning to make as a career choice once you leave uni. [Insert Bridget Jones right here].

And when you're not stuck in a cycle of self single pity, you're running around your part time, minimum wage job to scrape enough cash together to live off next year.

Before you know it, it's the start of term and you have a complete melt down because your professor was expecting you to complete your 10,000 word dissertation project by September whereas you haven't even written the title. Perfect.

All in all, you're left with a big fat bucket of disappointment.

I therefore decided to write myself a Summer bucket list. All of which are realistic for myself...I think.

1. Learn and perform 'The Cup song' - I have already started this and so far so good...not.

2. Do your own version of 'The Cup Song' - I really want to apply a different song to the cup. Challenge accepted.

3. Continuing your haberdashery adventures - Last summer my biggest achievement with my single lonely time was creating a patchwork quilt. I feel like taking on a project like this again. I may need inspiration - Any ideas folks?

4. Become Queen of the Universe.

5. Have a 'Carrie Bradshaw/ Serena Van Der Woodson/ Breakfast At Tiffany's' moment when I visit New York this summer. My parents are taking my to the big NYC and I am SO excited. In my head it's going to play out like the movies/TV shows where I go on hundreds of shopping trips, buy hundreds of handbags and jewelry whilst falling madly in love with a city boy. Yes I realise this is 100% unrealistic but there is no harm in dreaming right?


6. Put yourself on Youtube - Whether I am Vlogging, singing, dancing or generally making an ass of myself in public, I want to take on the big bad video world.

7. Blogging - I plan to keep up my blogging, with the help of glipho I reckon this will come very easy to me ;)

So here you go. 7 totally realistic goals. Okay, maybe 5....6 at a push.

Wish me luck, and if you think you can advise/inspire me on any of these goals come hither my friends. And if anyone wants to do it with me, please go for it. I want to hear your summer bucket lists!

L.Bel xoxo





Share:

Thursday, 20 June 2013

The Confessions Of A Social Networker...

Which one are you?

To me, social networking is the best thing to be invented since sliced bread and Ben & Jerry's. It has enabled us to go past boundaries we never thought we could as well as providing a platform for expression from absolutely anyone in the world, regardless of where you are or who you are.

Now to combine my two favourite hobbies, people watching and social networking, I have come to the conclusion that you can categorize 5 different types of people on social networking sites. Which one are you?

1. The Silent Stalker. Now, to the everyday and ordinary, this is the person that creates a twitter account but has only tweeted around 5-20 times. You stand more of a chance of seeing tumbleweed blow across their Facebook page then any sign of activity. Not a single like was given. What this person actually does is lay low and dormant. Silently watching you. Slowly and secretly observing. Steadily grasping more information about your life then you know yourself. It's why their hair is so big, it's full of secrets.

2. The Everybody Look At Me. You know what's coming. This person tends to update their Facebook status once every 2-5 hours. In fact, if they haven't updated within the last 5 hours you automatically assume they are asleep or have lost internet connection. This person likes to make themselves known across Facebook. 'Sharing is caring' is taken too literally and they will happily inform you what they had for breakfast that morning to what type of pajamas they're wearing that night. Cool story bro, you should tell it more often.


3. The I'm Simply The Best. No one likes this kind of social networker. Don't be that social networker. This is the arrogant sod that sits on twitter, tweeting about how perfect their life is with their perfect relationship, perfect job, perfect hair, perfect WHATEVER. You know the kind. The one that gets the better job promotion or the one that starts and completes the assignment the night before it's due in and gets top marks.

4. The Trainwreck. The one who falls in and out of relationships and general life woes and is happy to bring you all down with them. What's a doom and gloom Facebook status here and there? No. Just stop. Pick yourself up off the ground, listen to a little 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and get your weepy butt back out into the ocean.


5. The Eager Beaver. Everybody enjoys having an eager beaver as a Facebook friend as they will automatically 'like' every single thing you post. Whether it's a mug shot, woops, I mean 'selfie' or a witty Facebook status, you can always rely on this person to give you social networking support when the rest of Facebook wont. 4 likes for you Glenn Coco, you go Glenn Coco!



Personally I think I'm a 2. And occasionally a 4. What about you? Think you fit quite snug into these categories or weave between them? OR am I completely wrong and you can think of a better category? Let me know, I'd love to hear it ;)

L.Bel xoxo

Share:

Friday, 14 June 2013

The Confessions Of Dealing With Goodbye...

This is a bit of a morbid post for a Friday evening so all you TGIFers out there might want to avert your eyes.

I have very recently had to say goodbye to a person who played quite a significant part in my life over the past few years. Things quickly turned grey in our friendship and it finally came down to making the decision to remove them from my life.

I'm sure a lot of students out there can agree with me in saying when you go off to university, over the course of your degree a lot of people come and go in your life. The ones you thought would stick around forever quickly fade and those who were simply background players become much more important.


I wanted to do a blog post on how to deal with bad goodbyes. Whether it's the end of a crap relationship, a major fall out with a friend or an escape from a bad job. If Taylor Swift wrote a blog instead of award winning songs, I'm pretty sure this is what she'd produce...

1. Get out that rage. Now violence is never the answer. Ever. Yet that doesn't mean you can't get angry. Girl, there is no use sitting around crying about how badly he treated you. Whack on some 'Fighter' by Christina Aguilera  or 'Irreplaceable' by Beyonce, belt out your rage and you will slowly come to terms with the fact that you couldn't go back to that relationship where he spent more time in the mirror in the morning then you did (ergh, yes, I've been there).


2. The best kind of revenge is living life well. A quote I strongly believe in. Applying that to society today, throw on your favourite outfit, call up your friends, hit the town and cover EVERY social networking surface you got. Instagram that cocktail, Check in on Facebook at that awesome restaurant, Tweet about how much fun you're having. That way, who ever made you sad will see how much better you are without them. In fact, you'll irritate them so much because no matter how much they try to avoid you, you're dictating their timeline/news feed and are all up in their face. Go you.

3. Got a new job and want to show your old boss/employer how much better it is? Refer back to number 2. Except apply it to the work place. Tag in your new work buddies, encourage #officefridayfun and so on. However, as you are new to your job, try not to come off as the office creep. Eager Beavers can be a little too much when you've only known your fellow colleagues a week or two...

4. Temporarily bubble wrap your heart. Nothing is worse then coming out of a break up and your best friend insisting you watch some soppy chick flick rom com fairy tale blah blah mushy mush. No. I recommend a good head screwing Christopher Nolan movie. Lots of explosions and a story line so confusing you'll be so busy googling the answers and not thinking about your previous issues. As well as no chick flicks, no soppy love songs, no places where you are most likely to see couples and public displays of affection. Which rules out pretty much everywhere. Stick to your cave and zone into cyberspace. Simples.



I hope my advice aids you in some way. Got any other good tips for a bad break up? I'll be thrilled to hear them!

L.Bel xoxo



Share:

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

The Confessions Of Facing The Future...

I have reached that point in University that all students dread - choosing your Dissertation topic.
A dissertation is a form of torture University officials inflict on poor third year students. It's like The Hunger Games of assignments.

Okay I'm exaggerating slightly. It is however a 10,000 word research project conducted by the student on any topic of their choice. Now as I have spent the past year studying Popular Culture and have had a lot of focus on Social Media, I have chosen this as my research topic. Also I pretty much spend my life on Twitter so it feels appropriate. I live and breathe Social Media so I figured why not do something I'm passionate about!

When I suggest this to my mum I know her response will be 'Is this just so you can sit on Twitter for the next year?!'. Woman knows me well.

I am however struggling for direction with my chosen topic due to needing to conduct a research question. I have so many areas that I can flow into from online music scenes, celebrity identity to the ordinary building an online audience!

Where does one begin?!



It's a good job I don't run this country with my poor decision skills. I can barely decide what to eat for breakfast in the morning. How am I going to decide where to go with my dissertation?!

If you think you have anything to inspire me then please step into the spotlight! I may even end up featuring you in my dissertation! Whether it's words of wisdom, your experiences with Social Media, providing me with blogs to read or even the Glipho teams experience of creating a social network! All of this is so useful in guiding my path for my third year assignment.... that's if I even qualify for third year....


Make this the first 'panic about my dissertation' blog post of many to come over the next 12 months.

L.Bel xoxo


Share:

Thursday, 6 June 2013

The Confessions Of A Cat Waitress...

Tomorrow marks the end of the first week of my new summer job. What job is this you ask? I am now officially a human chew toy/doggy toilet/cat waitress. AKA I now work in a Kennels and Cattery.

'Awh, you get to work and play with all the cute puppies and kittens!' No. No I do not. If that's what crossed your mind, go and slap yourself and wake up from your dream world. This is reality. What I ACTUALLY do is get pushed and peed on by England's most loopy pets.

Starting a new job is absolutely terrifying. Especially as your previous experience of working in a supermarket (not mentioning any names but rhymes with fresco) crushed your soul for two years straight and therefore left you emotionally scarred over the prospect of ever working for anybody ever again...That's another story I'll enlighten you with another day...

So facing my fears of employment I bound straight into a job I can only describe as organised chaos. Complete chaos. You don't know the feeling of intimidation  until you're thrown into a room with 50 hungry and easily excitable dogs barking at you. I barely made it through day two without a complete meltdown.



I thought I'd tell you about my new roles:

1. Doggy Toilet
Within 30 minutes of my first day I was covered head to toe in doggy poo. Never in my life have I felt more glamorous. In the past 4 days, I've had so much poo wiped on me by excited dogs that it doesn't even phase me anymore. Literally. I just stand there and take it. I've accepted to the fact that I'm now going to smell like the wrong end of a dog for the rest of my summer holidays. Judge me.

2. Small horse walker.
Now don't get me wrong, I adore dogs. There all I ever talk about. The bigger the better. However, is it just me or are the majority of dogs in kennels actually secretly little horses in dog costumes?! The amount of dogs I've walked, or more like dogs that have walked me, that have been so big that when they've jumped up at me they successfully pin me to the walls or into their own mess (hence why I'm a doggy toilet). Nothing is more terrifying then a dog the size of a small horse running at you with no signs of stopping.

3. Cat Waitress.
I am not exaggerating. I walk into each individual pen and place a tray in front of each cat with a bowl of fresh food and water. I will also accept the names of 'Cat Server', 'Cat Slave' or 'Squire Girl'. I'm practically curtsying as I walk out. I fear my life has reached a new low.



4. Animal Bouncer.
An animals natural instinct when put in a caged environment is to get the hell out of there. Hence why all week I have been found wrestling cats back into pens and chasing dogs up kennel isles trying (more like begging) to get them back into their runs. The upside of my new job is that I'm exercising for the first time in my life. Oh how I miss the days of student slobbing in my pajamas.

So these are just a few of my new roles for summer. God knows if I will make it to September alive due to being eaten by a small horse or beaten by Lord Fluffy for not serving the right amount of tuna.

Wish me luck, tomorrow I am being placed on dogs all by myself to 'test' my new found skills. For someone like me this is a recipe for disaster as even with having a supervisor all week I have successfully let over 5 cats escape their pens, dropped water on numerous animals and misplaced numerous bowls of dog food.

I'm doomed.

L.Bel AKA Ace Ventura, Pet detective. xoxo
Share:

Sunday, 2 June 2013

The Confessions Of Gig Life: Do's and Don't's...

First of all...HONEY I'M HOME! That's right folks, I have finished exams and assignments so I can now crawl back into my comfort limitless zone, cyberspace!

What better way to celebrate the end of your second year at university by attending a gig (which I got the tickets for free!) consisting of Bastille, Dizzee Rascal and MUSE! They really put on a good show, I'm still in awe!

All in all, it was a fabulous night, I feel lucky to be able to say I've seen Muse live. However, I wanted to talk to the whole wide world on the issues of how to behave at a gig, especially in standing. Houston, we have a problem.

Now before I begin, I'm not saying that everyone has to behave and stand still. I love to go wild in a crowd. However there are some things that REALLY drive me mad!

Don't's:
1. You are not an animal. This means you don't act like one. Now I'm just going to have to get straight to the point. Ladies, shield your eyes. It ain't ever acceptable to go to the toilet IN A CROWD. NOR is it acceptable  to do it in a cup/bottle and throw it. Monkeys do that. Monkeys in a zoo. Are you a monkey? Do you live in a zoo?

2. I'm not a piece of meat. I can't speak for guys here, I really do not know if you face the same issues in a crowd but back to the point. I have attended too many standing gigs where I have been butt grabbed or boob grazed. This is not okay! And if a girl turns around and gives you a filthy glare, I can really understand where you'd mistake that as 'Please do it again.' NOT. Let's just say, don't be shocked when you get acquainted with my fist. Girl got sassy.

3. Numerous times last night I was shunned and shoved by grown men. Just because you are in a crowd and are desperate to get close to the act, it really isn't okay to push people about. I love a good mosh as much as the next person but really? You're going to push a girl half your weight and size!? Always remain a gentlemen!



Do's: 

1. Make crowd friends. I love it when your neighbor joins in on your crazy heart felt singing or supports you in your desperate attempt to escape the boundary lacking sea urchin behind you.

2. If someone falls down, you stop and you pick them back up. That's what lead singer of My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way tells the crowds before the gig starts. It encourages a friendly atmosphere and it's good to know strangers have your back.

3. Lastly, the most important rule, dance and sing like a maniac. Really. It's the one time that that is completely acceptable and no one can judge you. Show 'em what your made of!



Any do's and don'ts you can think of? I wanna hear them!!

L.Bel xoxo
Share:
© Lifestyle and Beauty Blog | Drama Queen Confessions | All rights reserved.
Blogger Template Developed by pipdig